Reply to Wife nearly died. Angry with underwhelming response from her family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The SIL sending a Xmas list is ridiculous if she understood the seriousness  of the situation, but if they live a long distance away and all work themselves, I am not 100% sure what exactly they could do for you in terms of helping you with childcare, etc. [/quote]

Well, in my family, when one of the siblings had a stroke, the other two siblings + mother dropped everything, flew across the world, and as a team of three rotated between caring for the niece & nephew - getting them to school and trying to keep their routine normal, caring for the home & pets, and being at the hospital day in & day out to care for the fallen brother + spouse. They stayed for three weeks in total. That's what I would consider as normal. If my brother has a stroke, it'd take something like cancer to keep me from flying out to help. [/quote]

I don't know how I could just drop everything and leave my own kids/jobs/pets to fly across the country to take care of someone else's kids/pets/house (and them) for 3 solid weeks.

It is wonderful that you were all able to do that but honestly that just isn't possible for most people.  [/quote]

You're right. Not everyone can do it. I can because I'm married, my job has FMLA and my supervisor gets that emergencies happen; my husband is a fully capable person and as a family, we're not in crisis. Not every one is so lucky.

But there's a lot of room between what OP's relatives are doing - which is absolutely nothing, not even calling to check in - and what we did in my family. At the very least, his family should care. I mean, ask yourself - if your child had a stroke, what would stop you from flying out to see him or her? Being physically and/or financial incapable of travel - sure. But assuming you were able, would you just not bother? Because that's what OP's MIL is choosing to do - choosing to not care about almost loosing a child. That's not normal. [/quote]

My husband and I are both fully capable human beings....I still can't just go away for weeks on end to take care of someone else's family nor could my husband - without our own family suffering.
Up until relatively recently he was working full time AND going to school at night. How could he just up and leave?  How could I just up and leave when he had a schedule like that? We had kids, schoolwork, activities, dogs and our own house to take care of.

If I had a family member in the overwhelming situation that Op is in I would do what I could from afar to lighten their load.  I might even fly in for a long weekend to try to get some local supports in place for them.  I could not just shelve my own life for weeks on end though.  
[/quote]
Fine, then you'd write a check our send a gift card. Support doesn't come cheap and it sounds like OP needs lots of it now. [/quote]

I don't know that I would send $$$$.  It depends.  I know that when my husband was injured I appreciated any show of support and concern - even an email with "Is there anything we can do?".  No one sent us cash and I never would have expected anyone to do that.  [/quote]

If you can't come or spend tons of money.  You can talk daily, Facetime, and/or Skype.  You can talk with the caregiver and give him positive thoughts.  You can say Don;t worry about CHristams for us  AND-I will do Christmas and pack up a few boxes of already wrapped CHrismas presents- so all he has to do is open box, place under tree or in stockings.  You can bake cookies and send them.  You can write a postcard every day.  Mail is great when you are going through a trial. You can pull out your contacts on Facebook and find people who live near to come and visit to give respite to the caregiver.  There are TONS of things one can do from afar in this day and age.  [/quote]

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