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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, ignore the women calling you an ass.  You are being direct.  You make sense.  I have no doubt you are both open minded and good in bed.

I have to tell you something - your wife is normal, and by normal I mean common.  She has what I call a fragile and responsive desire, i.e. she needs something to turn her on AND if there are too many mental blocks she can't get in the mood - think being worn out by kids, in-laws, work, whatever it is.  Sometimes things are cliche for a reason - men complaining their wives don't fuck them enough and seem to lie there and think of England - its cliche because its common.

Your wife is never never never going to be high drive for you.  She is never going to reveal some crazy kinky fantasies because she doesn't have any that she desperately needs to live out and certainly not with her husband.

Your sex life is going to depend on you.  You will put in 90% of the effort to get her to meet you barely at the other 10%.  If you do all you can do, you will have an average sex life - once a week, mostly for you.  [b]If you can find a way to deal with the resentment, and focus on your love for your wife, you will be much more accepting of her lying back and letting you fuck her because she will do it out of a place of love and admiration for you, instead of it being a chore on her to-do list (which is what you don't want).[/b]  Then, sex to your wife will be like desert to her - nice when its good but not something she needs.  But at least she will enjoy it.

I wish I had better news for you.  You need to find a way to come to grip with the idea that your wife is like most (not all, but most) women who really could take or leave sex with their husbands.  Or have an affair, so you can see how the awesome sex you want comes with way to high of a price.[/quote]

I totally agree with everything above.
Except for the final sentence: affair sex is NOT too high of a price.
After many years of passionless wifely duty sex, you won't believe how good it can be with another woman who actually WANTS YOU INSIDE HER.
Unfortunately, most women lose this desire pretty quickly so you will need to keep finding new affair partners.[/quote]

I wrote the above post, and its sounds depressing (and it kind of is) but I want to emphasize the above bolded part.  My DW and I have moved past the hurt and resentment of where OP and his wife are - "why aren't you ever in the mood, don't you find me desirable" type arguments.  We are not having bed scorching sex, but we do have sex slightly more frequently and slightly better because we have entered back into the mutual cycle of love and affection.  So she has sex with me sometimes for her pleasure but usually because she loves me and loves to see me in pleasure.  Which is so much better than letting me fuck her because she feels like she should and is sick of me being grumpy.

Point being - don't let perfect be the enemy of good, especially since perfect is unattainable.  OP seems to have it good, at least insofar as this is what most marital sex looks like (and bad is those who go weeks, months, even years without sex).

Yes, affairs are amazing sexually, but he needs to realize that his wife's lack of desire will be his APs lack of desire in a few years and the headache of keeping an AP emotionally happy to fan the sexual flames is really exhausting.  [/quote]

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