Reply to My wife reacts with hostility when I ask for more sex

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]What your suggesting is essentially infrequent trial-and-error by one partner without guidance from the other. You gave us "affection, touching, cuddling, etc" as the keys to your vagina[/quote]

no - what I'm suggesting is that you think of her body as more than just her vagina.  [/quote]

That's a pretty nebulous instruction.  Again- most guys would appreciate "please do this more..." and they should be willing to do it.  You're basically asking a guy to read her mind in regards to specific actions.

Is it really that hard to acknowledge that a woman bears some responsibility for expressly stating what gets her going?[/quote]

I think you're missing the point here. You're still thinking of it in terms of what will turn her on and get her off, and thus get you more sex -- so you're still focused on the vagina. You need to focus on her as a person, and for many women, that includes showing affection that has nothing to do with sex. I'm there with my husband right now, I've explicitly asked him for more physical affection that has nothing to do with sex. What I get instead is physical affection, and then the expectation that we'll have sex that night. If my husband gives me a hug when he gets home from work or holds my hand while we watch tv, I know he'll be looking for sex later. Which means I really don't enjoy the physical affection he's giving me, because it comes with demands and expectations rather than being freely given because of how it makes me feel.[/quote]

So you tell him what you want, he does it, and you resent that he wants to fuck you?

I don't think it should be paint-by-numbers, that if he does X,Y,Z you should be obligated to have sex.  It should be fine to do those things and not have sex all the time.  But if you told me that you like X,Y,Z and I did them several times without sex- it'd make me frustrated and wonder what else I have to do for things to move in the right direction.

But its a mixed message you're sending if you ask him to show affection, he does it, and you get pissed because he wants to have sex.  IMO- it doesn't seem like you really want to have sex more often and are looking for reasons to shoot him down.  [/quote]

No, what I want is for him to meet my needs because he loves me and wants me to be happy, not throw some crumbs at my needs in order to get sex. Believe me, there's nothing loving about that.

I read this thread and I can't help but wonder why you all want more sex with your wives. If it's just about orgasms, you can get some online porn and get yourself off. Is it about wanting intimacy with your wives? I supposed it might be, but it doesn't sound like it when it seems like you resent the hell out of being asked to do anything for her to actually foster that intimacy.[/quote]

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