Reply to Any Formerly SAHM's Back to Work for Economic Reasons and Hating It?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]I guess you missed the part of feminism where women got to make their own life choices.

Particularly choices that shift all of their economic needs onto their husband, right? Wrong. Unless he's okay with it, you are playing with fire if you think being a SAHM is a good idea. I have seen so, so many women burned by this. I've also seen women use being a SAHM as an elegant way to exit the workforce. It's short sighted and stupid beyond the early years (and even then is somewhat dumb).

Nothing is worse than finding yourself divorced, having to take a shitting admin job ten rungs below where you were before having kids, and being a single mom who is forced to move out of her lovely home in Bethesda, Mclean, whatever and move into a townhouse or apartment with angry kids. I have five girlfriends who are all literally doing this. And I don't know what the readership is like age-wise, but doing this shit at 50, when you are tired and wishing there was a retirement nest egg you had been contributing to for years is so depressing. Child support ends at 18 and alimony ain't what it used to be. Your husbands are wage workers, not actors or NBA players. Don't get it twisted, ladies.

Basically, mind your marriages. If you want to make your own life choices, expect to make them by yourself eventually. If you want to rely on someone else to financially support you, realize that is going to come at a cost by either being a good SAHM/wife or getting divorced and having to begin things at scratch.

PP, I am very sorry that you have to make all of your life choices based on the fact that your husband will walk out on you at any moment AND take everything but the kids. Has he figured out that you are a judgmental, paranoid, distrustful b*t*h? Your post makes me appreciate the fact that the possibility of divorce does not have to be a factor in any of my life choices. Some of us know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we will not end up divorced. I realize that DH could become disabled (or worse), but we have disability and life insurance for that reason. Enough to give me time to find a job and/or train for a new field.

I find it hard to believe that you know SO MANY women in the situation you described. Either you are seriously exaggerating, or you and your friends did an awful job choosing your spouses. What kind of a horrible father would kick his ex-wife and children out of their family home? In every divorce situation I know of, the mom and kids stay in the home, and if anyone ends up in a townhouse or apartment, it's the father. Could it be that your friends chose to move to a smaller home? A friend of mine comes to mind. Her husband was an a*s and left her for a younger woman. She had been a SAHM. They lived in a beautiful home that would be at least a $3-$4 million home if it were in the DC area. She stayed in the home with her 4 kids and went back to work. After giving her kids some time to adjust to the divorce, she decided to sell the house and moved into a very modest home. She chose to do this because she didn't want the upkeep and maintenance. She also wanted to be closer to her friends and her kids' friends. All of her kids can now walk to school, which made her mornings much less stressful since she has kids in 3 different schools.

I realize that there are jerks out there who would put their families in the situation you described, but if you think YOUR husband could turn into one of these, then you have a problem in your marriage that needs to be addressed. Especially since this seems to be such a common occurrence in your circle of friends

I won't stoop to your level and make this SAHM vs WM. I have friends in every conceivable situation - 2 working parents, 1 working parent, SAHM, SAHD, one parent works part-time, one parent works at home. I will just say this. Pretty much all of these families are in the situation that is right for them. They have their own set of priorities, hopes, dreams. They have their own plan for the future and their own obstacles. Even though I am a SAHM, I would never make such a generalization by saying that all WM are "playing with fire." I have nothing but respect for all the parents I know. We are all doing our best.[/quote]

You don't know, PP. Men leave all the time and you can't say what your husband will do. My sister in law is literally in this situation. Her husband left her the second the youngest graduated high school. It was so, so shocking. She has half of his 401K, but has had to made some difficult choices because she's been out of the work force so long and has a good 15 years before she can tap into it. She got 3 years of alimony to retrain. It has been brutal and she is exactly what the above poster mentioned, a Chevy Chase wife who thought she had it locked down. It's tough to watch.[/quote]

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