Reply to If DH is a law firm partner, must I be the default parent?

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Reply to "If DH is a law firm partner, must I be the default parent?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP checking back in after catching up, wowza.  I do not want a lacrosse game or vacations-only dad as coparent, no offense to the PP with biglaw dad.  Now there are smartphones so that whole scene is different.  DH doesn't like the hours he works; he is not trying to avoid us.  But he's scared to be jobless.  He has tried to move to government in the past and been dinged repeatedly. Maybe he can move inhouse, but that isn't as common in his litigation niche. I have a JD/MBA and work in a nonlegal, but senior role, at a nonprofit.  The work culture is very different.  There are only so many hours in the day and his job takes up too many of them.  He doesn't disagree, and I don't necessarily disagree that he shouldn't be ordering stuff on amazon if it means he get home even later. It's not a case of golden handcuffs.  We don't need that partner salary. I appreciate the many informed and thoughtful responses on this thread.[/quote]

[b]You seem very reasonable.  It is very hard position to be in, both yours and your husbands.  It sounds like he should begin his search again. In the meantime, try to either hire out tasks or give him a break on things like this.  His free time should be spent on searching for a job and spending actual quality time with the family so that the relationships survive.[/b][/quote]

This, this this. I am not in your shoes exactly but I can feel similar things to your post. We have just 1 child but are looking to start for #2 next year and DH's job is about 55-60 per week with commute (out the door at 6:30, home at about 6:30, sometimes later, occasionally earlier and probably 4 hours from home per week if you add up evenings and weekends). He's no in law, but in tech and climbing the ladder steadily so he takes a lot home with him in his head too. His company runs 24/7 (they actually build things!) so texts and emails are never, ever really gone.

I switched fields (low paying nonprofit) just 2 years ago so our solution right now is for me to be able to work 70% schedule since if we are being realistic, my career path isn't going to be something that picks up probably until later in life. Which I am OK with as long as I can keep at least a foot in the door.

We just had a talk about trying to avoid me being the "default" parent and us building our partnership for these things as our toddler gets older and we add more to the mix. I think talking about it is good. I know that I will take over the day to day a lot more in the next few years but DH is conscious now of how much the "default" parent has to constantly keep straight, manage and think about and I think it helps that he is on board to have ownership over that with me, the sort of "knowledge management" of the house.

Talk to him. It will absolutely help to talk it out rather than speculate.[/quote]

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