Reply to When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Or at least the thought occurred to me.  They're in elementary school now, so it's a long way off.  My wife is a great life partner, roommate, and mother.  But she gained some weight (after losing the baby-weight, she gained it back and then some) and lost her libido.  That spiraled into lack of all physical affection.  I initiate almost all hugs, hand-holding, you name it.  She seems to tolerate it.  I'm completely miserable, but I love my children and won't destroy an otherwise happy household just so I can get laid and have some regular affection.  But after they're gone, maybe I will.  I'll be mid-50's when the last kid goes off to college; that's a lot of life to live in a marriage with very little sex and affection.  I hope that once the kids are less of an attention drain that she focuses more on me, but if she doesn't, it'll make the decision all the easier.

But the question for DCUM is this: How damaging is it to children in their 20's when their parents divorce?  [/quote]

NP here and haven't read all 12 pages.  Just want to say, I hope before you hunker down for the long winter and then make your escape, you please warn your DW that your head is going down this road.  Many, many things change when one person is willing to walk--but they often walk without first telling the other that they are considering walking.

It's like so many people who quit their jobs.  They get fed up, and decide to quit.  They might find another offer, then quit.  But before they accept that other offer, they should tell their boss they are thinking of quitting--suddenly they might get their terms met.

I remember being a consultant in a firm where most people were at the home office, but a few had offices out of their homes in other cities.  I tried to get a remote office for years, but they wouldn't let me.  Finally I said that I was moving to (home town) on X date, and I'd love to continue working for the company.  Viola!  Suddenly, "of course you can have a home office!"

Your DW might just need a wake-up kick so she knows what's on the line--but done nicely, OP.
Good luck[/quote]

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