Reply to When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage

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Reply to "When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, a couple things to consider:

1) A lot of women lose interests in sex with their husbands.  Don't take it personal.  Despite the cutlural myths, women aren't wired for monogamy either (neither are men).  Difference being, that men (on average) have a spontaneous libido - you want to have sex and your wife is the only approved outlet.  Women (on average) have a reactive libido and you just aren't shiny and new to your wife anymore to trigger her arousal.  (Obviously there are variances among the sexes - high libido women, low libido men).

2) don't believe all the B.S. you hear about "if only", e.g. if only more compliments, babysitting, dishes, sit-ups, manicures, etc.  Assuming you are putting in a reasonable effort to be a good husband and stay in shape, your wife would be making an effort to get in the mood if she wanted to have sex.  How much effort does your wife put into having sex and you still want to have sex with her, right?  If someone wants sex, they will make the effort.

3)  You have an otherwise good marriage.  Your wife sounds like a wonderful person, mother, partner.  She isn't a good lover, for whatever reason.  Why do you need to go nuclear on your kids home just to get sexual satisfaction that is one of life's greatest joys?  Do yourself a favor, be the best man you can be - upbeat, in shape, confident, lose the resentment.  You will attract more female attention and if that doesn't spike your wife's interest, you will find plenty of women - married and single - who are legitimately attracted to you and want to have sex with you.  Then act accordingly.

I have never understood those who think it is more honorable to blow up your kids home than to stay in an otherwise great marriage and do what you need to do to stay sane.  Stay sane, OP.
[/quote]

Agree. My husbnad is low drive and is into intercourse only, no oral. We worked on it for years in therapy. No progress. I love the guy, he just doesn't do it for me in bed. Not going to break up my kids' home when I can get satisfaction elsewhere.[/quote]

Have you tried cherishing him?[/quote]

Cherishing is for wives.  Most (straight) men get turned on by being respected (hence why dominance is such a theme in porn).

You might want to get your reading comprehension skills checked out...[/quote]

[b]I hate the common assumption, among women, that everything is about power and dominance with men. Sometimes it's nice for your wife to just show some non-sexual affection that speaks to your vulnerability and humanity, instead of "oooooh, you big powerful man, you turn Jane on. Woof woof![/b]"[/quote]

I get what you're saying but the truth of the matter is that the nice, vulnerable guys/DHs just don't get laid.  Women's actions (or lack thereof) influence and dictate the behavior of men.[/quote]

I think that's a bit simplistic. If you're not getting laid, it's probably not because you're "too nice."

If anything, women resent the LACK of emotional availability from their husbands and the way their sex life often becomes a routine, mechanical obligation.[/quote]

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