Reply to When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage

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Reply to "When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Or at least the thought occurred to me.  They're in elementary school now, so it's a long way off.  My wife is a great life partner, roommate, and mother.  But she gained some weight (after losing the baby-weight, she gained it back and then some) and lost her libido.  That spiraled into lack of all physical affection.  I initiate almost all hugs, hand-holding, you name it.  She seems to tolerate it.  I'm completely miserable, but I love my children and won't destroy an otherwise happy household just so I can get laid and have some regular affection.  But after they're gone, maybe I will.  I'll be mid-50's when the last kid goes off to college; that's a lot of life to live in a marriage with very little sex and affection.  I hope that once the kids are less of an attention drain that she focuses more on me, but if she doesn't, it'll make the decision all the easier.

But the question for DCUM is this: How damaging is it to children in their 20's when their parents divorce?  [/quote]

Divorce affects everyone involved no matter when it happens.  It has even affected me as i married a man with divorced parents and navigating the family events is stressful.  I have found throughout my life that sexless to one does not equal sexless to another.   I provide most all of the caregiving to our children, i take care of the groceries, bills, home, cars, trash, daily chores, kid activities, family schedule, shopping, etc... often there is not enough of me left for sex at the end of the day.  :shock:  Nevertheless, these things need to be done. We are rasing children and it is our responsibility.  So i do it all, not because i want to, but because it has to be done and i am at home.  It sounds like you go to work every day and expect June Cleaver when you get home.  I miss the days of no kids and sleeping in on Saturday, waking up for sex, shower,  go have some fun then home again for more sex.  But this is not reality right now because we chose to have a family.   So i try to be a good wife and mother even though it can be really hard.  The dream of life on the other side of kids helps make it easier.  To leave your wife after years of selfless giving while raising your children is for a man who only thinks of himself.  It is not the frequency of sex that matters but the quality of mutual respect and appreciation.  Divorce is the cowards way out!  Getting caught up in the frequency of sex is a total turn off for me.  Give affection, appreciation, and respect, without the sex expectation attached, and you will get the sex and affection you want.[/quote]

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