Reply to When did you decide it was time for an affair and did it help your marriage?

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Reply to "When did you decide it was time for an affair and did it help your marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our drives were pretty well balanced until the second kid came along - once or twice a week; neither of us had terrifically high drives. But, after the birth of the second - that's when the wheels came off (or, I suppose during the second pregnancy, but pregnancy is such a tough time in my mind it "didn't count."[/quote]

Um you do realize this exact thing has happened to every single dad in DC?

[quote=Anonymous]Kids are 9 & 10 now. I didn't really speak up about my dissatisfaction until 2 or 3 years ago. I was waiting out the infant & toddler years, hoping things would get better when the kids went to school and my wife had more kid-free time. My patience ended during a period when we went 2 months without sex.[/quote]
Ok so you have played a role in accepting the status quo sexless marriage for so many years.
Not blaming you, just pointing out you played a role.

[quote=Anonymous]Since then, we've had a few discussions. The discussions always end up with her crying because she feels like a bad wife and she [b]wants to want to[/b] have sex but just doesn't. That's followed by a period where the relationship is awkward because of the hurt feelings from the sex talk but also where we have more sex because we're making it more of a priority.[/quote]

This is baloney. She is low drive so she will very rarely [b]want to[/b] have sex. So what? 
You are normal drive, and that is sufficient to ensure a regular sex life, so long as YOU INITIATE.
All she needs to do is be receptive.

[quote=Anonymous]The only time during the past few years where the sex was notably good was when she read the 50 Shades series. During that period, she responded favorably to my initiations, and, consequently, I initiated more aggressively and more frequently. After that, I suggested she read more erotica. She agreed that it helped but for some reason hasn't made the effort to read any more erotic novels and the like. [/quote]

Alright I will say it again: your wife is a willing sex partner. YOU JUST NEED TO INITIATE. 
Yes this can be difficult. TALK ABOUT IT WITH HER. Discuss all the mechanics of initiating sex.

Don't be offended, I am trying to help.
If you really have this much difficulty initiating sex with your wife (a willing partner) then I don't believe you have enough game to actually conduct an affair.
[/quote]

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