Reply to When did you decide it was time for an affair and did it help your marriage?

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Reply to "When did you decide it was time for an affair and did it help your marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not the OP. I've had the frequency conversation with my wife. She answered [b]once a week. I'm happy enough with that number if it actually happened[/b]. [/quote]
Tell her this! By the way this is great news because clearly you have a willing partner so that's not the problem. Many of these sexless marriage threads don't even have that AT ALL.
Also a 1X per week goal should be very easy to hit.
Your problem now comes down to the [u]mechanics of initiation[/u]. This is solvable.
Discuss the specifics of [b]initiation[/b] with her.
Since you're obviously the one with higher drive, YOU will be doing most of the initiation.
Her job is to be receptive, but if she REALLY is not up for it, she should suggest a specific better time in the near future.
When that time comes, you initiate.

[quote=Anonymous]I've asked her what I can do to make her enjoy sex more. She says she doesn't know. [/quote]
You definitely SHOULD care about her sexual enjoyment. But ultimately, if she doesn't care herself, then not too much YOU can do about that. Don't worry though because "her enjoyment" isn't the obstacle at all. Her agreement for 1X per week frequency was not based on her reaching a specific enjoyment outcome, was it? Furthermore, once you guys get into a steady groove of weekly sex, her enjoyment will probably just increase naturally as a consequence of regularity and being comfortable together.

[quote=Anonymous]She won't do morning sex, and she won't do sex until after the kids are in bed. She doesn't like being woken up for anything. That leaves me an initiation window of about 9-10:30. That window is only open while she is awake (she falls asleep on the couch a lot) and if she doesn't preemptively announce that she's tired, bloated, or otherwise not feeling good. [/quote]
Have you actually discussed, specifically, in detail, the topic [b]initiation windows[/b] with your wife? Or are you just making alot of assumptions here?

[quote=Anonymous]That window will also close if I inadvertently do something to make her unhappy in the preceding 12 hours. [/quote]
Sounds like another assumption on your part. What did she say exactly the last time you initiated sex on an "imperfect behavior" day?

Bring this exact topic up in your big conversation about the mechanics of initiation.[/quote]

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