Reply to Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.

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Reply to "Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not taking the husband’s last name is statistically odd. That does not mean immoral, bad, or invalid. It means outside the normal pattern.

A reasonable definition of "odd" or "weird" is something that is uncommon enough to fall well outside the social default. If about 75% to 80% of people do one thing, and only about 15% to 20% do the alternative, the alternative is statistically unusual.

Using the Pew numbers already discussed, 79% of married women took their husband’s last name, while only 14% kept their own. So yes, keeping the wife’s original name is statistically outside the norm.

And if the argument is "why not just have the man take the wife’s name," that is even more unusual. Pew found 5% of married men took their wife’s last name. Among people who changed to the other spouse’s name, that means about 94% took the husband’s name and about 6% took the wife’s name.

So yes, statistically speaking, not taking the husband’s name is less common, and the husband taking the wife’s name is much more uncommon. People can choose whatever they want, but pretending the choices are equally normal in real life is just not accurate.
[/quote]

You know what else used to be abnormal? Women owning property, or being able to have a credit card, or even working full-time. It's abnormal until it's not. I'm sorry that women wanting to be treated as equals bothers you, but it has no bearing on me. [/quote]

That is a false equivalence.

Women owning property, having credit cards, and working full-time were legal and economic rights that women were denied. A wife choosing to share a family name with her husband and children is not the same category.

No one is saying women should be unable to keep their name. Keep it if you want. The point is much narrower: statistically and socially, it is still outside the norm. Pew found that most married women still take their husband’s name, including most younger, educated, and liberal married women.

Calling that “wanting to be treated as equals” is just rhetorical overreach. Equality means women can choose. It does not mean every traditional choice is oppression, and it does not mean every nontraditional choice suddenly becomes common, practical, or socially neutral.

You can personally not care what people think. That is fine. But pretending people do not notice, or that the choice carries no social signal, is not reality. It is still an uncommon choice, and uncommon choices are, by definition, odd relative to the norm.
[/quote]

Who cares? I don't base personal decisions about my life on what's popular or how people will react to it. Your decision to judge my choices is yours and has no bearing on me. Yes, the choice to keep my name is what I want and you completely missed the point that I didn't have that choice not too long ago. But you're a dude, so why do I even care explaining this to you?

PS your AI-written posts are not clever.[/quote]

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