Reply to Sister asked if I would donate my eggs

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ugh, that sucks that she directly asked, OP. (It feels like a violation of a normal sibling relationship). I’m sorry, but no matter how you respond I think the relationship is now going to be awkward at best for at least a while.[/quote]

How else would you propose asking? Through other family members? Like please, just be normal. My sister had a prior stillbirth and asked me to be a surrogate for her. I told her I knew I couldn't emotionally do it, and she completely accepted the response and never asked again. IT'S FINE. There's nothing wrong with asking. There's something wrong with pressuring and refusing to take no for an answer.  [/quote]

I’d propose they don’t ask. Assuming the fertility struggles aren’t a secret, I will offer if I’m willing. If I don’t speak up, I’m clearly not interested, you asking me just puts me in a really uncomfortable position.[/quote]

Why would you assume that someone wants you to donate your eggs? Seems presumptuous. Also seems weirdly immature to demand the sister tiptoe around the issue to hint at it.

[b]It’s fine to ask[/b]. The ask should make clear that a “no” is totally acceptable answer. If the person asked feels so violated by the inquiry, I think that person should consider therapy. [/quote]

No. [/quote]

DP, but Yes, it is okay to ask (with zero expectation of a yes).

Do you feel the same way about organ donation? Must everyone put themselves in a mindset where it’s not okay to ever ask family to do anything? All help MUST come from strangers?[/quote]

DP. I do. I think that you can express to family members your problem. But asking somebody in your family to donate a liver after you've explained that you need a liver, and they did not offer, is narcissistic and selfish. They had a chance to offer and chose not to do so; to pursue it further is terrible behavior.[/quote]

Maybe your family works in this arms-length communication by implication system, but lots of other families don’t and it doesn’t mean yours is “right” and other families are “wrong.”

It’s also weird and awkward to offer if you haven’t been asked. Maybe sister thinks I’m too old or otherwise prefers a non-family donor. Why would I assume she wants my eggs if she didn’t ask? On both sides it’s kind of awkward and presumptuous to bring up, so in intimate relationships like family, either one can reasonably bring it up in a kind way, acknowledging the other person’s right to just say no. Someone has to take the potentially awkward/risky step of communicating first and either is equally reasonable in taking that step. [/quote]

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