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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wading in...

I'm a grandparent. When my D was 11, she cared about clothes a lot more than I did. Now she's middle aged and she STILL cares more about clothes than I do. I don't think I failed to instill my "values"--at least on this issue; we just have different priorities. It's like eating out in pricier restaurants. For some people, it's a waste. Others are really "foodies." Or it might be about how much to spend on a car.  IOW, it's about choices and I think it's wrong and unfair to insist that your kids have to end up with the same preferences as you have. (I don't think it's a crime of moral turpitude if someone likes to spend a lot on clothing but in future years is perfectly happy taking more modest vacations and sending their kids to public schools.)

We went the budget route. But I disagree with the folks that want to hand the daughter a budget. I think you negotiate it. For example, when I told my daughter what I thought was reasonable, she asked for deductions and reallocations. So, she said she didn't want underwear to be part of her budget. She was willing to have what I thought was a reasonable amount to spend on underwear deducted from the amount she received. She said if left to her own devices she'd be wearing 3 year old underwear that was much too small because she would blow the stuff on "what other people see." We also deducted standard school shoes--because she had no way of guessing how much and how fast her feet would grow.  Again, my guess of cost deducted from budget. Same for winter coat.

She also asked to get 2 payments. One for back to school and one for spring/summer. She asked that the latter be the big one. She has a fall birthday and said between her birthday and Christmas she got some winter clothes and some spending money from relatives, but she didn't get those for spring/summer clothes. So, she wanted more money then.

Shortly thereafter she blew about a quarter of her spring/summer allowance on one outfit. I held my tongue and she wore that outfit to school 2-3 times a week....without complaint. I realized that i would rather have a greater variety of cheaper clothes, but she preferred fewer outfits which she "loved" and felt good in even if that meant the same things over and over.  I noted within a year or two that she was less prone to spend as much on a single outfit. She learned the consequences to splurging on something. But there were times when she DID splurge. I might think the item was overpriced, but if that was the "in" thing was she needed to fit it or something she really loved, then she bought if for herself, knowing full well that meant she would not be able to buy as many other things.

That's a long winded way of saying I wouldn't go with the "you need 10 shirts, so you should average $x per shirt" model mentioned above. Maybe she'd be happier with 7 slightly more expensive shirts or with 15 cheaper ones--especially if she does her own laundry.

Bottom line: I don't think a 12 year old girl who wants "in" labels is necessarily a brat. Nor do I think she should be pushed to get a job. Nor do I think parents should be forced to disclose their entire financial situation. Just figure out a plan where you agree on how much money she can spend and which items will be included and then let her figure out how to spend it on individual items.

Good luck!

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