Reply to 19 year gap - Will everything be okay?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "19 year gap - Will everything be okay?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP: I don’t believe that finances will be an issue. He has a $26m NW (BigLaw & generational wealth) and he’s promised me a prenup. His kids (17/g & 14/b) like me (though some might think I’m closer in maturity to them, I’m more aligned with him in terms of maturity and life perspective). I don’t have daddy issues—My dad is a great dad, not all women who date older do, I just prefer older. I’ve dated older men since college (not seriously) but I never expected to fall for one. Now I love him, we’re making plans and he wants more, marriage soon and kids as early as possible.
 Health during old age is my biggest concern, not old age itself. While he’s healthy now and doesn’t have major health issues in his family (parents are early 70s and pretty healthy), I can’t ignore the fact that the age gap means he’ll be much older health wise and I’m unsure if that’s what I want long term. I’m hoping for at least 20 more years of good health though, but that isn’t guaranteed.[/quote]

$26m isn't that much when you subtract three (four?) college tuitions, the cost of raising one or two more kids, plus his retirement and eldercare, plus yours. This is where people get into a crunch-- he's getting a lot closer to the end of his working years (because you can't assume he'll be healthy enough to work until 67 or whatever), and his expenses are about to spike.

I think the main problem people run into is that there's not enough dad to go around. How is he going to parent young kids with the level of hands-on a woman your age expects, plus also be a good father to his teenagers, plus also work enough to pay for all of this? It's a lot and he's only going to be less and less energetic. People get into these situations with the best of intentions, but sometimes the circle just doesn't square. Having a lot of money helps, but it's also just one more thing to fight over-- and believe me, his teens will eventually figure out that their inheritance decreased dramatically when you married and with each subsequent child. People will flame me for this and say nobody's entitled to an inheritance, which is true, but you can't show up in their lives and do that and expect them to be happy about it. You need to be realistic.

Assuming your PhD isn't going to get you a high-income job... [/quote]

Bless your heart. $26 million is a shit ton. And have sexual intercourse with yourself for not understanding that. [/quote]

+1.
26M is a sh*t ton of money to go around for OP, this man and all 4 kids ( 2 stepkids + assuming 2 from OP). The question is how can OP ensure that her kids and the step kids are protected?  She can look out for all 4 kids, and there will still be plenty of money left for OP and this man.

OP, does he have enough flexible money ( not tied to a family trust) to give you 2M after the birth of each child? So say 2M set up in a trust for each child with you as the trustee and he has no authority over the money? And he should set up money for his other kids before he even marries you.

If you can make peace with your 60s and 70s  being more difficult than women married to their peers, and tensions with blended families, the rest of the issues can be addressed with a ruthless prenup. I mean ruthless on your behalf. You seem to be too trusting and counting on his promises. He needs to give you money for your kids up front, as in the same week you birth them. If you agree on a prenup that states this and he starts to falter, get out.

Having said all that, I would never marry anyone who already has kids, especially if I wanted kids of my own. That is the real deal breaker for me. There is enough money here to cushion the age gap issue. But no amount of money in the world would soften the tension and insecurity of blended families with kids who don't share the same 2 parents. I would not want my kids to feel that.

You are only 27. Find a guy who does not yet have kids. If older men are your thing ( I am same way), there are older men out there who do not have kids. Break up with this man and start looking.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics