Reply to I want to get away from friend groups/communities with this specific type of woman: where to go?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Where do you live? You have to hang out with people a level below your own income level. We haven't moved out of our starter home for this reason. I want to HAVE money, not be around other people with money. Most of them are exactly like you describe.[/quote]

This this this.

Not just income level - but "status level" (educational background, job titles etc.).   And then keep your status/income level to yourself.

And then just don't engage.  Someone wants to take over the PTA or the pool board with some sort of Game of Thrones style machinations?  Who cares.

It's not that those types of women aren't out there - there are plenty of women who aren't mutual frenemies or minions. [/quote]

What if you are just middle class, so the only people below your income/status level are working or lower class?

Alternatively, what if your social class and economic class don't match? My spouse and I are highly educated from "good" schools that have a lot of status, but we have middle class status jobs and a middle class income.

I'm genuinely asking. We wind up living among UMC people but being the lowest status people in that community, which is an uncomfortable situation and I think makes me a target for these sorts of women who initially wish to turn me into an acolyte and then, when they realize I don't like that, they use my low status as a punching bag to elevate themselves.

I don't want to live in a poorer community because I value education and schools in poor and working class areas tend to either be not great, or they are great but are focused mostly on helping a poor kids (which makes sense) and might not be a great place for my MC kids.

So where do a I go to get away from this dynamic, or, if there's nowhere for me to go, how do I protect myself from these women using me as a weird foil for their status games? What I want is to just float in the middle somewhere without attracting attention.[/quote]

You are exactly me, I could have written this!
I made friends with the immigrant moms. My favorites are Polish. They are zero BS and as real as it gets. But the thing is if they like you, you know it and there are no games of status. 
We are at a Catholic school where most people are rich and we are making big sacrifices to afford it. Lots of family money and "forces of nature" around. 
If they see you have someone to talk to regularly you'll be off their radar. It's the lonely floaters that get sucked in.[/quote]

PP here. I'm glad you found your people! I do think there are some people within our community who are more down to earth but I haven't found a way to deepen those friendships. I definitely feel like I have to wade through a lot of the Type A controlling people in the meantime. I have learned some lessons (avoid any committee-based PTA work but show up for "grunt work" volunteer opportunties, find ways to politely exit conversations about super status-focused topics like travel, extended family, college, and "do you know so and so or such and such"). So I'm navigating that a bit better now than when I first got here. But there are a still a couple of these women who always seem to want to pounce when they see me, I think because early on they pegged me as inferior and they like the idea of adopting me as a pet or standing near me for beneficial contrast.[/quote]

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