Reply to I want to get away from friend groups/communities with this specific type of woman: where to go?

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Reply to "I want to get away from friend groups/communities with this specific type of woman: where to go?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Above poster is probably one of these types and a big thing I notice about them is they have no insecurity or humility whatsoever. Everything in their lives is perfect. Perfect husband, perfect kids, perfect house. If your life isn't perfect, you went wrong somewhere and you bring negative energy.
I think of it as being real! Nobody is in jail or anything but my family and house are far from perfect.[/quote]

Everyone has insecurities. [/quote]

No, they truly don't.
I was attempting friendship with one of these a while back and every conversation collapsed because of this.
"Mikeys not very athletic so I'm trying to encourage x and y. He said recess has been kind of a struggle." "That's strange. All my kids are super sporty, because we encourage being active in our family." I literally just said that we encourage that too!
"I'm going crazy with my kitchen remodel, the contractor did x and y." "I'm so glad we made sure to buy a beautifully maintained house so we never had to worry about that. My kitchen is amazing."[/quote]

If they weren't insecure, they wouldn't feel the need to 'one-up' everything you say. It's their coping mechanism.[/quote]

It's weird though, right? I agree they are insecure and use one-upping to deal with it, but this is such a strange impulse to me.

As someone with insecurities, it's always a huge relief to me when someone I'm friendly with lets their guard down and shares something vulnerable. It's like "oh thank god, I don't have to pretend everything is perfect with this person." It's the opposite of threatening, it makes me feel safe enough to maybe share one of my vulnerabilities, or just be empathetic and let them know I understand what it's like to not have it figured out.

To respond to someone else's vulnerability with "oh good, an opportunity to one-up someone who is clearly struggling" is psychotic to me. Why? Even if you don't want to respond with vulnerability, why would you want to take advantage of the other person's admission in that way? This seems super disordered to me.[/quote]

I'm the PP and completely agree! Be my friend!
But the thing is everyone seems to adore this lady. She's beloved by all, invited to everything, if you mention her you invariably hear "she is so amazing. I  love her." So most people don't seem to mind this![/quote]

Ugh, it's so irritating, isn't it?

They are attracted to her status. Which she maintains in part by never admitting to vulnerability and to one-upping people like you who are emotionally intelligent enough to admit to struggling sometimes. They are also insecure and she projects this air of having NO problems or insecurities, so they latch onto it (and get used by her in the process).

I don't have an answer to this because I have this same problem, but I try to just remind myself that anyone who would "adore" someone who behaves this way is probably not someone who would make a good friend to me anyway. There are others like us, we just have to find each other and do our best to ignore people like this (it's so hard, they are often so loud and suck up all the air in the room).[/quote]

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