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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I do not think it is useful to get someone like this a formal diagnosis because it will then be used an excuse for all the myriad behaviors that are driving you nuts, and you will no longer be able to advocate for him to try harder.

Even if it's ASD or ADHD or both, he also just doesn't care about a lot of this stuff and thus is never going to help with it.

My DH's ADHD diagnosis was a net negative for me because he only takes meds when it benefits him and the meds don't make him suddenly interested in our kid or me. And then he calls all his behaviors that both exacerbate the ADHD and drive me nuts "coping behaviors" and claims I can't say anything about them. Like he's always, always on his phone playing a game or scrolling twitter or something, but now he'll explain he has to do it because "it's the only ay to calm my brain" or "I just need a brain break." Nevermind that the phone addiction is only making his ADHD worse and has not actual benefit for his diagnosis.

He will do things that are unequivocally inappropriate or wrong (like recently yelling at our kid's coach in their favorite activity for no good reason) but if I try to talk to him about it, he will simply claim ADHD and that's the end of the conversation to him. I will explain that having ADHD doesn't make it okay to be a jerk, but he says that's my subjective interpretation of his behavior, and he knows that it was just a misunderstanding of his neurodivergence.

The diagnosis doesn't help if they are not actually motivated to do better. It just becomes another crutch.[/quote]

OP here. You bring up a valid point. Even if he were to get tested, which I high significant doubts over, I think he'd pull the same shit as your husband - use it as an excuse instead of a way to actually do some introspection.

So sorry you're also dealing with a man child.[/quote]

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