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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ok, your husband was sounding like my STBX. After your latest post about his temper, being closed-off about sex, watching videos and just overall solitary personality...the two guys sound identical.

I'm going to warn you right now to be prepared for incredible aggression and even physical violence when he understands you're serious about leaving.

Take this very seriously.

He's not going to change or try to hear you. He's going to let you know you're not leaving without blood metaphorically and even physically being drawn. You're going to watch that apathetic, dismissive man channel a level of rage you had no idea was there. Be ready to record him and get a protective order.

I still don't know what is wrong with my ex, but there is something extremely wrong on the personal and mental level. Just get out. [/quote]

Chiming in here as a NP because this is way too familiar. Things can and will get worse. Mine left me but was still aggressive and triggered by his own decision.

Start using a VPN and a private browser right away for everything. Change your passwords for everything and switch to two-factor authentication.

Check recording consent laws in your state. If it’s one-party, I would not record but I would expect that every conversation I have is being illegally recorded and that he’s trying to bait me into violence to make the recording admissible as evidence.

Move anything you can to writing. Document everything in a locked note on your phone. If you can’t easily pull hard copies of files to copy without him noticing, take photos and put them in a hidden album.

Move important documents and valuables to a friend’s house before you take any legal action- once temporary orders are in place, you can’t do that. If you have an old laptop, put that at your friend’s too to avoid him accessing anything of yours that might have a saved password stored.

If your kids are old enough to make phone calls or run to a neighbor’s, you need a safety plan. I worried that I was over the top getting friends and neighbors involved until all hell broke loose and I needed the support I’d put in place.[/quote]

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