Reply to Anyone’s exDH try to use family caregiving for custody?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have a custody situation that similar to this without the international complication.  Basically a family member of mine has joint custody, but almost never takes their time.  Instead, they leave the kids with me (aunt) and a grandparent.

I would suggest getting a ROFR with a time limit.  Our current agreement says that if the kids are going to be separated from their parent for more than 1 night, then ROFR applies.  So, my relative can leave them with me for a "sleepover with cousins" for one night, but if it's more than one night I call my exIL and ask what they want to do.  There is an exception for summer camp, and for school trips.

Having said all that, if the actual issue is child support that's a bigger issue.  It sounds like Dad in this case has a lot of money.  My guess is with 50/50 Mom will get substantial child support, and possibly alimony, unless she also has a generous salary.  While the situation might feel unfair, it doesn't sound like mom's ability to provide for the kid during her time is in jeopardy.

I'll also add that I wouldn't do a ROFR for a specific person.  While OP may not like her MIL it's quite possible that he could find someone worse.

Finally, I will say as someone who has been a spectator to some nasty divorces including my own, I have found that one thing that really helps kids with inconsistent custody situations is a consistent, high quality nanny who moves back and forth with the kid.  So, the child knows who will pick up, and what their afternoon routine will look like, even if there are changes in where they spend the night.  Something like this could be written into the agreement. The other thing I'd write is a consistent phone call each night between the child and the parent they aren't staying with. [/quote]

That sounds like an arrangement that only exists due to the good will of your exIL. If your exIL pressed the issue, your relative would likely lose custody or have it drastically reduced. [/quote]

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