Reply to (Vacation wife) Help. Spiraling.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Dear Lord this man is the (non) gift that just keeps on giving. 
I would rent the house out to somebody else, not to your ex. He doesn’t deserve that grace. You are a better person than him for even considering it, but I would set boundaries right now. [/quote]

Ya, just be careful with kids at home  Maybe an older, single woman would be fine.  Maybe she would even do some of the driving for OP in exchange for reduced rent.  [/quote]

She sounds like she's in a really good position if she wanted to hire an au pair or get a grad student who wants cheap rent in exchange for driving and helping out with the kids. [/quote]
+1
I was going to suggest dropping daycare for the youngest and getting an au pair. Alternatively, your kids are so young that what driving is necessary? I think you need to just drop all the extra activities. Honestly, that would be better for your kids and simplify things. They don’t need to be in the car to activities, car to see dad, etc. [/quote]

Yeah, the activities part seemed like an odd priority to me for a 4 and 7 year old. Playdates, trips to the park, zoo, yes -- keep doing those things. But dance lessons, soccer, or whatever? That doesn't need to be a priority for kids this young during this chaos.[/quote]

I think OP has a vision of a divorce where the kids suffer no impact and it’s important to her to maintain complete stability with both parents involved 50%, doing things the same exact way. That’s not divorce, though. She has to let that sh&t go. [/quote]

This rang true for me. OP- how about it? Were you hoping for a fairytale divorce situation? I am not judging. You’ve worked hard and done amazing things and may now be newly, justifiably pissed that even in effing DIVORCE, he cannot get his act together.

So now, when the internet people are saying, what the heck are you thinking? Don’t let him move in!, it’s especially hard! My god, you’ve come so far. It isn’t fair.

And it’s not fair. And I’m sorry that things are going to get hard again before they get better. But you know in your heart that letting him move in is a bad idea. And that letting him drive your kids is a bad idea. And that you need to buy your kids’ own health insurance.

But now you are going to have to accept that. And own it. And yes it’s unfair.

But you should- imo-

Don’t let him move in or pay any money for his housing or anything else
Get your divorce finalized 
See a financial advisor 
Stop contributing to 529s 
Buy cheapest healthcare on the exchange
Keep sending kid to daycare but ease up on pricey activities without making a huge thing of it
Massively scale back on other optional expenditures - you can’t live like you used to, whatever that means (and it’s unfair and it’s his fault! But it has to happen if you want to keep your kid in preK… but look for a cheaper one for next year if she won’t be in kindergarten by then)

Good luck. I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s not your fault but now you are at a point where you have to make some decisions and they must prioritize you and your kids.

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