Reply to Husband annoyed at taking his injured daughter to urgent care

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why does every DH have to be the main parent. You're the main parent, OP. Just do the parenting and let him do the 1billion other things that also have to get done to run a family.[/quote]

I know people are bristling at this.  But honestly, as a strategy it worked really well in my family.  I did nothing but kid stuff and my spouse did everything else except that spouse did childcare drop off and pick up because my commute was longer.  We had very little conflict because we each did our part to make the family work.  And we were both pretty happy about it.  I can't remember the last time I did yard work (besides my garden), took the car for service or an oil change, found a plumber, washed a car, cleaned my house and whatever other billion things it takes to keep a house running successfully.  Even though my kids are grown, I still don't do these things.  My spouse wasn't a bad parent, but wasn't a good caretaker until they got a lot older.  The difference between me and OP is that I could count on my spouse in emergencies.  [/quote]

My mom was a SAHM and was such a martyr about it. Now that she’s gone my long suffering dad has had a few things to say about it. My mom acted like she did everything and he did nothing because she wanted all the credit and sympathy. But he did the yard work or found and paid the people to do it, paid all the bills, did the taxes, worked out all the insurance, performed maintenance around the house or found the people to make repairs, and all the unseen work beyond child care. What does OPs division of labor really look like? Was she renewing the car registration while he was at urgent care?[/quote]

What does this even mean, DD doesn't get to go to the hospital with headache because dad does the taxes? Dad should have stayed home and breastfed toddler?[/quote]

DD can go with mom to the hospital. She just didn’t feel like it because nursing a toddler is the easier option.[/quote]

Leave it to DCUM to demand a mom take a child having a medical emergency and a toddler past their bedtime to the hospital (so 2 upset, young children) so DH can get his beauty rest.[/quote]

I didn’t say take both kids. Leave DH home with the *toddler” to do bedtime.[/quote]

If you bothered to read - you would have read that the toddler is still nursing at night and OP thought her DH would have trouble getting him to sleep. This ultimately is not about who does what, but that in an emergency, the DH reacted with aggression instead of trying to solve the problem. [/quote]

So? It’s time to wean the toddler establish better night time habits. In case of emergencies. [/quote]

And also DH should stop being an abusive a-hole but I guess both of these things are equally important.[/quote]

He probably won’t stop so OP should be giving up on the SAHM dream and get a job as the first step to independence. Is she willing to do that?[/quote]

Is her DH going to allow her to do that? [/quote]

How is he going to stop her?[/quote]

Oh you sweet summer child. If only you knew. [/quote]

Sorry but that type of husband would never have even taken the child. Don’t be naive.[/quote]

Again you have a caricature in your mind of what this “type” of husband is. It does not look like an after school special. Things that he could do to undermine her getting a job? 
- complain about it
- insult her, tell her she will never get a job 
- tell her the job will be so low paying it doesn’t make sense to pay for child care
- drag feet or refuse to pay for childcare 
- refuse to agree to watch kids while she does job interviews
- if she gets hired, refuse to consistent pick up/drop off schedule so that OP cannot get to work on time or stay for 8 hrs
- refuse to cover sick days because whatever is going on at his job is “more important”

None of this is insurmountable or means he will literally lock her up and refuse to let her work. But OP getting a job poses a huge financial and logistical change that means the DH will need to do a lot more he is not doing now, and moreover, that he will have to agree with OP that the financial change makes sense. that is not going to be easy. [/quote]

A mother truly afraid for herself and her kids takes them to the hospital herself. That’s not what we’re dealing with here despite all the fiction you are spinning.[/quote]

what did you do when you were in this situation? Oh you weren't? You are just harassing people about a situation you know nothing about?[/quote]

Do you even know what harassment is? Maybe take a walk you’re overly invested in this.[/quote]

Yes, what you are doing is harassment. Go away. Or do you have trouble letting go?[/quote]

You’re in here windmilling against everyone who doesn’t agree with you. Even OP doesn’t even come in here to tell us what steps she’s taking or has considered. Just another day of someone moaning their spouse doesn’t help. A tale as old as time.[/quote]

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