Reply to “Family money” becoming more important in dating

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly , the COL is going way up, it’s really hard to buy a house and replicate a UMC lifestyle. The people who can do it while working regular jobs in a big city have family money: cover house down payment, no burdensome student loans, maybe inherit someone’s car etc [/quote]

In this case we aren't talking about serious family money. We are just talking about the kids coming from stable boomer families that saved. [/quote]

I wish I understood this more. I came from a LMC family but my parents would be give me the shirt off their backs. They don’t have much but are willing to help anyway they can. My in-laws are UMC frugal boomers worth millions and we won’t see a cent until they die. If we go to their house and they order Chinese, we have to split the bill with them. [/quote]

That’s called cheap, not frugal.

Retirees should be enjoying their money, not penny pinching their adult children’s families for money, meals out, trips and stuff. So tacky and cheap. It’s like a sport to make other people pay their way.

Pay it forward. [/quote]

I [b]actually think it's an honor and privilege to pay for my parents, even though they are financially well-off and I am not.[/b] They spent over $400,000 on my education, so it’s the least I can do! On the other hand, my in-laws didn’t contribute anything to my spouse’s education, and they take thousands of dollars away each month that could instead go into 529 plans for our children.

Takeaway - if your parents aren't a burden to your spouse or children, then consider yourself a winner.

[/quote]

Is this cultural for you?  Is your spouse if the same culture?

Are you a son? Oldest son?

Do you have implicit or explicit agreements with your parents for who pays, retirement, elderly care, future living arrangements? Or are you free and they are/have made arrangements (long term care insurance, clear wills, saving/investments, downsizing plans, care home general locations, no crazy burial demands they have not pre-arranged/prepaid)?[/quote]

Were all 8th + generation American. My parents have arrangements for everything including but they are philosophically opposed to lifetime cash gifts. Non-issue because I started on third base with a big law salary and zero debt.

DH’s parents have nothing saved. We own the house they live in. We give them more money. They are a burden and their support takes away from what we can do for our kids.

The next generation is wise to consider the family when they marry. It's not like they need to find someone with significant family money or a trust fund. Just choose a partner whose parents won’t become a financial burden in the future; it's just not worth it.[/quote]

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