Reply to “Family money” becoming more important in dating

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly , the COL is going way up, it’s really hard to buy a house and replicate a UMC lifestyle. The people who can do it while working regular jobs in a big city have family money: cover house down payment, no burdensome student loans, maybe inherit someone’s car etc [/quote]

In this case we aren't talking about serious family money. We are just talking about the kids coming from stable boomer families that saved. [/quote]

I wish I understood this more. I came from a LMC family but my parents would be give me the shirt off their backs. They don’t have much but are willing to help anyway they can. My in-laws are UMC frugal boomers worth millions and we won’t see a cent until they die. If we go to their house and they order Chinese, we have to split the bill with them. [/quote]

That’s called cheap, not frugal.

Retirees should be enjoying their money, not penny pinching their adult children’s families for money, meals out, trips and stuff. So tacky and cheap. It’s like a sport to make other people pay their way.

Pay it forward. [/quote]

[b]I actually think it's an honor and privilege to pay for my parents,[/b] even though they are financially well-off and I am not. They spent over $400,000 on my education, so it’s the least I can do! On the other hand, my in-laws didn’t contribute anything to my spouse’s education, and they take thousands of dollars away each month that could instead go into 529 plans for our children.

Takeaway - if your parents aren't a burden to your spouse or children, then consider yourself a winner.

[/quote]

What does your spouse think?

Do your parents thank you BOTH (or only you?), when you whip out your CC to pay for them?

Do you also pay for the same sorts of things for your in law parents? More or less? Do they thank you both (or only you?)

[/quote]

That's a good question. My dad takes pride in the fact that his kids are successful enough to cover the bill when we go out to dinner. He also pays for a lot of other expenses, including a nice vacation for his knowledge ds and all their families, which more than offsets any meals I pay for. DH’s opinion is irrelevant under the circumstdances.

As for my in-laws, we bought their home and send them extra money each month. This support really adds up and will only increase over time. None of my husband’s siblings contribute to this, and one of his parents seems to feel entitled to this support, believing it’s his son’s duty to take care of him. My father-in-law retired early in his 50s, and my husband has been responsible for his care ever since, even before we got married. The amount of money we send to his parents has been an ongoing issue in our marriage. At one point, my husband wanted me to stop contributing to our children's college fund because finances were tight, largely due to the money we were sending to his parents every month. It’s a sensitive topic, and his family is burdensome.

I advise my own kids to be cautious about dating someone whose parents aren't financially stable. It's important to dig into this during the dating phase. Supporting in-laws can lead to marriage problems, financial stress, and can detract from your own kids' well-being. It's not a situation you want to find yourself in.[/quote]

me again. My also parents provide a lot of free childcare. They have come to watch our kids when my husband and I go on vacations together. They also stay with me when my husband has a heavy work travel schedule, and I often feel stretched thin between my job and the kids. In this situation, one side of the family, though cheap, is very helpful, while the other side feels like a burden.
Plus, even though it’s not their philosophy to give big lifetime gifts, they will leave quite a bit of money to us kids when they die, which is nice, and they have a comprehensive end of life plan that is fully funded.[/quote]

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