Reply to Don't get fat and happy just because you've been married for over 20 years.

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Reply to "Don't get fat and happy just because you've been married for over 20 years."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]On the weight issues -- Relationships should be about putting your best self into it.  Emotionally, physically, sexually, mentally.   You owe it to your partner to be the best that you can be.  Especially in high-powered circles like government where you know your husband has options.

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I believe this is the kind of attitude that contributes to the high divorce rate. People are not perfect and not everyone sees life as a constant, competitive quest for self-improvement. I [i]do not[/i] owe it to my husband to be my "best self," which, btw, I would define very differently from you. (I think "best self" is an asinine and judgmental concept to begin with, but at least let me decide how to be my own best self instead of proclaiming that being as conventionally attractive as possible must be "best" for everyone.) What I owe to him is what I promised him when we married -- to love him, respect him, and treat him kindly.

The problem here is the narrow-minded inability to see beyond your own beliefs, or perhaps a self-righteous refusal to accept that not everyone needs to live by your beliefs, that others can legitimately have different priorities and goals and that doesn't make them [i]wrong[/i].

To those of you who criticize women for "not caring about themselves" because they're overweight, don't wear makeup, have bad haircuts or clothes or whatever, SO WHAT? Why the mandate that we must care about being conventionally attractive? Why must we spend our money and time on grooming/exercising/dieting/waxing/plastic surgery in order to be taken seriously? Why does not caring about my appearance mean I've given up on myself? Maybe I care deeply about myself, just not about the impression I make on shallow, judgmental people. If we want women to be valued as people with brains rather than sex objects or eye candy, [i]not caring[/i] about appearance is exactly what we need to do.[/quote]

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