Reply to Husband suddenly not interested in being a parent or spouse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really rather him just leave me.

He probably is having an affair despite denying it.  I just don’t get it.

He can go and be happy with wherever.  I’ll be fine.

But he cannot do this to our kids.  This is the man who would turn down buddy trips to take his kids camping.

Who is this man? [/quote]

And what is your excuse? Why are you waiting for him to make the decision? Your shock can only last so long- it sounds like it's been a month now. What exactly is going on down in the basement? Others have suggested checking out his phone/laptop/you could install a nanny cam in the basement etc etc. You have literally done nothing. Please make a plan. Make sure you collect evidence or protect yourself financially.

At your next therapy appt, state the obvious- that you are worried something organic/physical is going on and you want to rule that out before giving up. But if he isn't going to follow up and rule out issues/he doesn't care, then the next topic is the children- why he doesn't even care that he doesn't care about the kids any longer. What have his responses been with the therapist on that topic? Honestly this would take up all my time in therapy in this case- discussing the impact on the kids of suddenly being ignored and disengaged. If he stays silent and your therapist continues to state the obvious- then you have to make the choice as the only engaged member of the relationship-Then you leave.

Liberate yourself. Stop waiting for liberation.[/quote]

It’s been maybe two months, not years.

[b]Does everyone go straight to spying on your spouse? [/b][/quote]

DP, but who wouldn't? Your spouse becomes a different person overnight, to include ignoring children he is usually very attentive to, and won't talk about why. I wold 100% count an affair as a strong possibility.[/quote]

Of course an affair is a possibility. But it's been only [i]six weeks[/i], and OP describes this as a [i]100 percent, 180-degree turnaround in her DH's behavior that happened very suddenly.[/i] When a change is THAT sudden, it might be other things besides infidelity, but an instant assumption that it's cheating could end up preventing OP from even considering any bigger picture than that.

The "Liberate yourself!" cries are from PPs who seem not not notice, or who don't care, that it's been six weeks and this was a night-and-day change. Telling a stranger to dump her marriage based on that short a time frame and that huge and sudden a change is projecting, in a big way. She needs to tell him (when the kids are not around and he's not trying to duck into the basement) that it's "come to Jesus" time: She needs to point out to him that this is night and day, the kids are noticing, and it is damaging the marriage very quickly and badly, Then she tells him: She's already made the appointments with the doctor for a physical and a counselor (for him, not for them as a couple--yet). And it's non-negotiable. These things can be said with love and deep concern, but have to be said out loud.

Otherwise, OP, you will simply stew and fret and end up divorced anyway. If you loved the guy before this sudden turn of his, tap into that, and tell him you love him and see that he has altered profoundly in just six freaking weeks. I really would be wondering first and foremost if he was undergoing a mental health issue or possible physical issue (even if he insists he "feels fine"). Also: Anything happen around the time this began? It was the holidays-- did he spend time with a relative who's unhappy and might have triggered DH to be dissatisfied? Or something happened at his job and he hasn't told you about it? Or other upheaval in his family, his work, his friend circle, which could push a guy into depression? Worth at least considering. And DCUM, I am not denying cheating happens, I just know that it's nuts for anyone to tell a stranger "I know 100 percent this is cheating" when you don't know the people IRL. And that's been said on this thread.[/quote]

TL DR -

The part I did read was that OP should have a come to Jesus. What do you think has been happening in the marriage therapy where he won't engage?[/quote]

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