Reply to Do parents realize they are rotting their own and their children’s minds with screens?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP...this is a really weird thread.  I don't think anyone can argue that individual screens are a good thing for kids.  At best, maybe they're neutral for development?  I'm also not going to judge parents for whatever they have to do.

However, a PP mentioned giving tips so I'll share my experience as a phone addicted parent that noticed their kids developing an addiction/dependency on their iPads.

We allowed them screens with "reasonable restrictions".  No iPads during the school week unless home sick.  No screens in the car for rides of less than an hour. No screens before brushing your teeth. No screens after a certain time.  No YouTube on personal screens, but allowed on the TV.  No screens in restaurants.

I'm not anti-screens.  I am on my phone too much and I also play console video games.  I also understand that what the kids consume now is engineered differently...the games they play (Roblox, Fortnight, Animal Crossing, Minecraft) don't have endings and are designed to create neverending stimuli.  The same way with Youtube, etc.

My kids reached a point of not being able to regulate their usage or their emotions around it. So, we went cold turkey for their screen time. Honestly, they're different kids without the screens and even my oldest has owned up to it.  They go outside more (cold weather can create issues with that), read more, draw more, play with their toys more, roughhouse with each other more.  They also sleep better, are less argumentative, wake up earlier in the morning, and have better conversations.  Excessive screen time is not right for my kids, but I understand the need/desire to be able to connect with their peers and navigate a digital world.   They adjusted fairly quickly to not having screens at all and the cold turkey stage lasted for about a month.  After that, we eased them back into it very gradually.

After taking the screens completely, here are things we did to help them adjust and find other avenues and this is where we stand now after about 3 months.

* They called us out for being on our phones all the time and we heeded their observations.  No more screen time for the parents during the dinner/get ready for bed hours.  That accounts for about 2-3 hours each night without phones. It's been better for us as adults to take that little break. We may watch a bit of TV (jeopardy, wheel of fortune, or a sporting event) during that time but it's usually just music in the background until bedtime.

* During car rides, we've started listening to less music and more audiobooks/stories for kids. It's typically something they're reading/read and it's kind of fun listening to stories with them and even discussing the stories.  We will allow screens for roadtrips (in the car for at least an hour) as that's a rare circumstance.

* No screentime on weekends before brushing teeth, getting dressed, straightening room.  Not following this will result in loss of screentime the rest of the day.

* No screens in the bedrooms unless sick.  Only in the common living areas.

* Enforced screentime limits on weekends.  If a kid is on longer than 30 minutes at a time, they know they lose the screen the rest of the weekend.  This is non-negotiable and we don't remind them. They've taken it upon themselves to use Alexa to set a timer to track their time so they don't go over.  Once they reach 30 minutes they have to get up and do something else. No more than 2 hours of ipad screen time in any given day.  I understand the need to veg out sometimes and I'm okay with that.  But 2 hours, broken up 4 times of day, is plenty.  Anymore is overboard and feeds into the addiction.  If they've had a particularly busy stretch, I may allow an extra hour, but I communicate the why ("I get it, you've been running around a lot the last couple of weeks, so I'll let you stay on the screen a little longer, but that's just for this Saturday...or you can choose to use it tomorrow/Sunday). Any arguments about screen time results in them losing the screen for the following weekend.

* We keep books, activities in the car (or remind the kids to bring them) when we go places such as restaurants, sporting events, shopping, etc. They are actually perfectly content to engage in those instead of screens and it's no longer an issue. We also don't use our phones during these times unless it's for something very specific...and if a kid asks to use a phone for something specific, we'll allow it (for example, "who sings this song?" or "is there a dessert place nearby"). As a family, we may play tic tac toe, a word search, or color, and it doesn't take away from adult time or create a nuisance for other families.

* We have a set family day activity on Friday or Saturday nights.  Something fun, either at home movie night or game night or dinner out or go to friends.  That time is a hard, no phones/screen time for parents and kids.  It's another 2-3 hours where we know none of us will touch our phones. The parents are more likely to break that rule, but the kids enforce it strictly and are quick to call us out  :D

* Screen time exceptions are made for sickness.

* We allow our kids to be on screens at friends' houses but they aren't allowed to take their own screens over. We keep plenty of activities for kids at our house and when they come over they seem to occupy themselves easily; our house is often full of other families' children. If kids bring their ipads to our house, they have the same time restrictions. It's never been an issue

I know some of this will change as our kids age but we're trying to create the expectation that screens are an earned privilege and must be managed responsibly.  The hardest part is setting an example as parents so the restrictions are as much for them as for us.  It's been very helpful and I've noticed we all "like" each other better when we're all limiting our screen time usage.

I know this is a lot and hopefully, I don't come off as judgy or bragging, but I had reached a breaking point with my kids and their screens and really needed to change the way we operated because it was having a noticeable effect or their mood and emotions.

[/quote]

I'm the PP who suggested offering tips, and this is great. Thank you! Much more grounded in reality and helpful than "Parents are rotting their kids' brains!" And very similar to our experience of taking away our kid's tablet. We've seen a ton of benefits.

Btw, I personally didn't notice anyone on this thread arguing screens are good for kids. It certainly isn't any significant number of posters.[/quote]

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