Reply to Are working spouses resentful of stay at home spouses who live leisurely lives?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Are working spouses resentful of stay at home spouses who live leisurely lives?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was a sahm when kids were young and DH has always said he’s happy as long as I’m happy and would support me in working or not working.

I don’t know if anyone can relate but I actually started to feel resentful. Not towards him necessarily but I felt like people didn’t see me as smart or capable; like I was just an extension of my successful and hardworking DH. He definitely didn’t see me that way and it’s not as though anyone said this, I just didn’t like the was I was showing up in the world anymore.

I should add, I think plenty of sahms take on wonderful projects in the community and use the time to do all kinds of creative and interesting things, I just personally never did. I felt too much like I was only valued as a wife and mom, not as an individual.[/quote]

OP here. Came back and saw lots of interesting new responses in the past few days. I happen to think my friends who sahm and live leisurely lives are very smart. I fully respect and value the decision to stay at home and raise kids - I would do it myself in a heartbeat but financially it’s too risky for us. I also have SAHM friends who were active in volunteer opportunities throughout the preschool years and then went back to work afterwards.

It’s the[b] leisure sahms[/b] I wonder about. The outsourcing childcare and spending days relaxing or by the pool, running silly errands at the mall. Not spending much more time with the kids than a working parent. My husband wouldn’t resent me staying home with our kids or even volunteering but I think he would absolutely be turned off if our kids were in school full time, I was having someone else shuttle the kids around, and I wasn’t even doing anything meaningful on a volunteer basis. [b]He doesn’t get the idleness component, or why some people feel entitled to have a spouse support them if they’re not pulling their weight at home either.[/b]

as I’ve considered it more, and based on this thread, it sounds like for some very wealthy people or people who’s jobs are very demanding, having a stay at home spouse can make their own life less stressful since they like their career and don’t want to have to balance a spouses career, and they don’t really care what their wife does since they don’t need the money, even if it means their wife has a lot of free time [/quote]

They are bringing something to the table that is valued by high worth men. People in similar SES will understand what they bring.

Frankly, I feel the people who wonder about why someone's spouse is supporting them if they are not doing some "work" are the same people who wonder if they should have food for guests at a birthday party.  It is the paucity mindset that makes them wonder if they themselves are "worthy" without working for pay.    They are driven by an attempt to understand the world in terms of the monetary worth.  They cannot understand that for most of the wealthy people, money is a just a tool to buy back time.

I would rather laze by the pool than work in a toxic workplace.  I would rather eat organic food than eat Mcdonalds. I would rather have beautiful manicured hands because it makes me feel good, rather than yell at my DH because laundry is not done.  I would rather have someone clean my house than not go for my tennis lessons. I would rather hang out with my kids and blow bubbles with them than to give the bulk of my life to a workplace. I would rather spend time with my family and friends than my coworkers and clients.

For me, a lot of the unpleasant things in life are not problems but expenses.  If you have enough money why would you do the unpleasant and boring things in life?   What is the other option you are dangling in front of the "leisure spouse"? Leave your leisurely life and go to work in a boring office? Be too tired and overwhelmed after your 9 to 5 to be a pleasant person to your family?  If I could be a Taylor Swift, I would not be a leisure SAHM.  But to be an office drone is not a reason enough to quit being a happy leisure SAHM. 
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics