Reply to Are working spouses resentful of stay at home spouses who live leisurely lives?

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Reply to "Are working spouses resentful of stay at home spouses who live leisurely lives?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was a sahm when kids were young and DH has always said he’s happy as long as I’m happy and would support me in working or not working.

I don’t know if anyone can relate but I actually started to feel resentful. Not towards him necessarily but I felt like people didn’t see me as smart or capable; like I was just an extension of my successful and hardworking DH. He definitely didn’t see me that way and it’s not as though anyone said this, I just didn’t like the was I was showing up in the world anymore.

I should add, I think plenty of sahms take on wonderful projects in the community and use the time to do all kinds of creative and interesting things, I just personally never did. I felt too much like I was only valued as a wife and mom, not as an individual.[/quote]

OP here. Came back and saw lots of interesting new responses in the past few days. I happen to think my friends who sahm and live leisurely lives are very smart. I fully respect and value the decision to stay at home and raise kids - I would do it myself in a heartbeat but financially it’s too risky for us. I also have SAHM friends who were active in volunteer opportunities throughout the preschool years and then went back to work afterwards.

It’s the leisure sahms I wonder about. The outsourcing childcare and spending days relaxing or by the pool, running silly errands at the mall. Not spending much more time with the kids than a working parent. My husband wouldn’t resent me staying home with our kids or even volunteering but I think he would absolutely be turned off if our kids were in school full time, I was having someone else shuttle the kids around, and I wasn’t even doing anything meaningful on a volunteer basis. He doesn’t get the idleness component, or why some people feel entitled to have a spouse support them if they’re not pulling their weight at home either.

as I’ve considered it more, and based on this thread, it sounds like for some very wealthy people or people who’s jobs are very demanding, having a stay at home spouse can make their own life less stressful since they like their career and don’t want to have to balance a spouses career, and they don’t really care what their wife does since they don’t need the money, even if it means their wife has a lot of free time [/quote]

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