Reply to Wife and I have dramatically different opinions about how much financial help should be given to adult kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you can comfortably afford it, definitely all three.

Anyone who looks around at comfortable UMC and rich people knows that those who got these things paid for by their parents had a very good head start. And anyone who thinks kids “should” pay for these things has their head in the sand. In places like dc, down payments and college costs are paid by parents a lot. It’s pretty standard MO and kids who don’t have this help are already starting out one step behind.

My parents paid for all these things. They are wealthy but not bagillionaires. I still managed to be married with a well maintained home by 26, graduate top of my class from law school, and now in my forties I make seven figures. I’m also married to a hardworking man who makes similar. He came from poverty and got nothing from his family. I don’t believe this kind of financial support plays any role in what kind of adult kids turn into - other than helping to ensure they are financially comfortable adults!

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So you and your husband ended up in the same place, despite the fact that you got help and he didn’t. This shows that smart, hard-working people will be just fine, even without handouts from mommy and daddy.[/quote]

I don’t think you’re making the point you think you are.

My husband had to take out college and grad school loans, which I promptly paid off for him within three months of starting as a lawyer. And he benefited from that same first house as me. And fwiw, dh works hard, but I work WAY harder. And he makes a lot. But I make a LOT more than him. So if there is a lazier person in our home, it’s him. Not me - who grew up with parents who paid for these things. Also fwiw I’ve never taken another cent from my parents - out twenties were really lean because we just didn’t have much money. But now I’m loaded - because I worked so hard - and I’m able to throw money around like mad. In fact, my parents needed a new car and didn’t have enough cash in their checking account on the day we were at the dealership, and dh and I were like no worries we can write the check right now so you don’t have to wait a day for cash to move between your accounts, and you don’t have to pay us back. So yeah not entitled.

But pretty confident that when you remove financial impediments to 20 year olds, they can make better choices and end up in better financial places.

But shhhh sounds like you live in one of the middle class families that hasn’t figured out how many families do this for their kids and launch their kids into their own successful financial lives. [/quote]

I don’t honestly believe this is true.  The families in the DMV where the parents paid for lots of things are just not successful financially.  They were never launched…they need their parents to still pay for lots of things, especially any private school (lots of these folks at Big3 privates).  I assume because they knew there was a backstop.

So…not sure what the answer may be.[/quote]

Most of my friends in DC had family help to buy their first home. Almost all my friends are highly driven and successful in their careers. There is no correlation. [/quote]

Define success…I don’t get it…successful people don’t need their parents help to buy their first home…even a $2MM+ home is a $400k down payment which isn’t all that much…for successful people.[/quote]
This is how poor people think LOL. [/quote]

What do you mean?

Poor people don’t know that successful doctors, lawyers, bankers, tech engineers save their bonuses and extra salary for their own downpayments? Or for their grad degrees?

Ignorant people might think no one is successful nor saving tons of money.

Ignorant people might believe everyone’s using their parents help to buy their homes.

But that’s not true. Successful couples are, and couples with family money are. There might some minimal overlapping couples, but what’s the point then. [/quote]

Agree

I have seen ignorant poor people thinking everyone buying a house must be getting help from Mommy&Daddy.

And I have seen ignorant up class people think everyone was like them and got help form Bank of Mommy&Daddy.

Mass media likes to do articles on all the people getting help with down payments or indirect helocs too.

But vast majority are couples who saved their own down payment money from their jobs, good spending and wise investing.

And of course every country has a permanent renting class. Which is fine as well. 
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