Reply to How to tell these parents I can’t help?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous](Open with sympathy and how much the school sucks)

So, I actually work from home and I have a very short window of time that I'm able to run out and drop DS (if you want, insert something about having lots of meetings or a micromanaging boss). I usually barely manage to drop him off before the bell. If I had to add another child, I'm not confident I could get them there on time. I really wish I could help![/quote]

That is WAY too wordy and you don't owe anyone a reason why your answer is no. Plus, if you give one that gives people encouragement to problem solve. Just say no. [/quote]

PP. I get that, but if I wanted to maintain good social relationships with these people, I'd give some kind of reason,  even if a less wordy one. [/quote]

No, if you want to maintain a relationship then you should help your friends when they need help. You want the benefits of a friendship without the commitment/follow through.[/quote]

Yup—OP you don’t have a real reason why you can’t help other than “don’t want to.” If they are dropped off at your house, it adds no time to take extra kids. So, there’s no reason to give. Just say “no” and they will see what your relationship is.[/quote]

It's interesting to me that people like you think a "real reason" must show some logistical challenge or consequence. "Doesn't want to" can't be a real reason because it's too squishy, right?

The thing is, I highly value my morning routine with my kid. Our house is calm and joyful in the morning. We are not in a rush because we've set our lives up (WFH, walkable commute to school, one kid) intentionally to keep things chill. Breakfast and the walk to school are a time when my kid talks openly with me and we connect.

I don't think I should have to explain that to anyone in order to avoid having what I like about my mornings ruined by extra obligations and more people in the house. But I also think this is a "real" reason not to do it. Just a private and personal one.[/quote]

Ok, so instead of simply saying “no,” OP can say “no, I don’t want to.”[b] Either way she’s signaling that she’s not part of the community. [/b] Which is her choice.

And I get it, I’m an introvert and I like my peace. But, I suck it up and do these things to be a good member of my community. That way, when I’m in a bind I have people who I know will help me out. My kids are now in HS and I’m glad I helped out bc I’ve ended up needing as much help as I give and I’ve never had someone say “no” when I need a hand.[/quote]

JFC it's not that deep. But if this is how you determine who is in your "community" I'm gladly opting out by any means necessary. [/quote]

Yeah.  It kind of is that deep.  This stuff is part of being a good member of the community.  
Either people carpool or walk their kids in or every single kid is dropped off in their own individual car and the drop-off line is 30 minutes long.  
[/quote]

This is a system of trade. You help me, I help you. The PP may be using the term community, but it's essentially the same thing. You do favors and when you need one, you ideally have a group of people that you can ask a favor of. Some people abuse it, either by asking for too many favors, or by never reciprocating. This is why some of us are advocating a partial favor, unless the other parents have shown that they are always the takers. This kind of system greases the wheels at work, in neighborhoods, in families, etc.[/quote]

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