Reply to How to get through to DH that doing 80% doesn't count?

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Reply to "How to get through to DH that doing 80% doesn't count?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
It's just really really hard to know for sure what this will look like before you are in it. I am someone who way overestimated how much childcare my DH would do based on him being generally pretty comfortable around kids and saying all the right stuff about sharing the load. But the reality was that [b]he would hide in the bathroom to avoid changing diapers[/b] and he can be incredibly impatient through the toddler and preschool years where kids just need a ton of attention and help with learning how to do stuff. And very disappointingly he did not step up with chores or household stuff as [b]I took on more and more of the parenting that he just kind of opted out of [/b]-- it's always been about 60-40 in those areas and it stayed that way even as I took on way more childcare and parenting responsibilities and we both worked. But I don't know how I could possibly have known it would go this way when we were dating or even living together or the two years post-marriage and before kids. He isn't a misogynist. He does know how to clean and cook and he does do these things. He's a "good guy" and generally respectful to me. And yet after we had kids our division of labor at home went from 60-40 to like 80-20. And to him because he's doing the same amount of stuff he was doing pre-kids he thinks that should be enough and he just doesn't seem to understand there is SO much more to do with kids.

I really don't know how you fix this. So many women in this boat and the guys are not abusive jerks or anything but also women are doing so much more at home even when working similar jobs.[/quote]

And why did you tolerate this? It didn't get this way overnight, right? If he's hiding in the bathroom, say "Please stop hiding in the bathroom. Come out and do your fair share of the parenting."  And then you open the bathroom door, put the kid with the dirty diaper in with him, and close the door again.[/quote]

lol u think this works.

Try that five times a week and then get told to Shut up or F Off by your ManChild. [/quote]

If that's how it is, divorce. Seriously.[/quote]

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