Reply to Truthfully, can you both have careers and have 3+ kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m curious how many of these responders have three kids. Everyone I know with three+ kids wouldn’t change it. It’s human nature to adapt. If you have a strong marriage, similar desire for more kids, and means - go for it. [/quote]

I'm a previous responder, and I have three kids, and my husband and I both work. It's really hard, and I am at a breaking point at least 1-2 times a week, because I feel like I haven't had sufficient 1-1 interaction with my kids (much less my husband). We are generally just cars passing each other in the driveway as we drive the kids to all of their things (our kids are 14, 11, and 8).

Of course I wouldn't change my family - I can't imagine life without my kids! I love watching them grow and I love watching each and every sporting event (maybe not winter swim meets, but oh well!) But  I also agree with a previous poster that you need to also think about your own happiness and mental health. There are days when I have basically no time for myself, and despite my husband (who works remotely full-time) pulling a ton of weight, if you're a mom, the likelihood is that you're still going to carry much more of the domestic and emotional load (even, if as in my case, you are the priority breadwinner.)

Again! Wouldn't change my 3 kids. But I worry about my stress and emotional health, and probably as a result of those two things, am prone to yelling when frustrated. [/quote]

How old are your kids? Do you work from home? I usually can spend at least 30 minutes to multiple hours 1:1 with each kid each day and my kids are 5 and under. Also, my husband and I have a lot of intimacy, talk multiple times a day, and hang out at night. We’re very connected. [/quote]

DP, but that's because you have very young children still that are napping, going to bed early, and not in extracurriculars. PP said she has 8, 11, and 14 year olds, which is fundamentally different parenting than babies and preschoolers. Try not to sound so smug when you just don't know yet.[/quote]

None of my children nap and my youngest wakes up multiple times a night. [/quote]

I think it comes down to what you prioritize. [/quote]

[b]Oh and my oldest does field hockey on the weekends and during the week gymnastics, swimming, water polo, and tennis. My child is swimming and gymnastics. [/b]

Not trying to sound smug but as your children get older it should be easier to spend 1:1 time with them and talking to your spouse during the day is about picking up the phone occasionally and chatting…and chatting before bed. If you are chaperoning your kids to activities can’t you talk to them? Isn’t it easier to spend time with your spouse when your kids don’t need constant supervision…and if they are going to be late why can’t you spend any of that time with them?[/quote]

Wait, are you the PP who has three kids under 5?!  Because if so, I can tell you based on the bolded why you have so much energy and time to chat with your spouse on the phone… it’s because you stick your children in a ridiculous and age-inappropriate number of activities to avoid spending any of your own precious energy actually parenting them.  One on one time as you act as the chauffeur is legitimate for teens who can and often do engage in deep conversations, but your car time is talking about Bluey or listening to KidzBop.  Then you pay someone else to entertain them (read: take them off your hands) for an hour while you call your husband at what what must be a complete BS job to chat.

Priorities indeed  :lol: [/quote]

My eldest will be 5 at the end of the week and all of her activities are done with kids in her age group and my 3 year old does swimming and gymnastics… also with kids in her age group.

My kids have a lot of energy and sports are a good outlet for that and allow them to socialize with their peers when they are not in PreK and preschool respectively (the youngest has no activities). So weird that you think having kids in activities means someone isn’t parenting… are you not parenting if your kids are in activities? Am I not parenting because I work full time and rely on a nanny during my work hours Monday to Friday? Just trying to follow the completely illogical through-line… You know the OP asked about parenting three kids while both spouses work, right?

If you’re not having sex or spending time with your kids or talking to your spouse then you don’t feel great so I won’t go for blood here but I felt it was important to provide a different perspective to OP around 1:1 time with kids and intimacy. Your experience is not my experience. [/quote]

NP, but if your kids are 5 and under, you can quietly take a seat.[/quote]

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