Reply to the case for not divorcing

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[quote=Anonymous]I used to be much more of the "some people are better off divorced" mindset. But then I'm saw two divorced with kids very up close (my brother's marriage, and a close friend who came to stay with me for a time during the divorce). I think about it differently now.

I still think divorce is sometimes the least bad solution to a problem marriage. But I also think it's good, absent abuse of any kind, for it to truly be a last resort. At least if there are kids involved. I have also seen the difference between a divorce with really young kids (under 5) and with tweens. I went into it thinking the one with little kids would be less traumatic than the one with tweens. The opposite was true. The tweens were old enough to navigate it, articulate their needs, express their feelings (including justified anger with their parents). And the parents, to their credit, handled all that well, thanks to years of good relationships with their kids.

The divorce with kids under 5 I witnessed was absolutely devastating. Those kids are very messed up, their relationships with both parents are very messed up. That marriage was not great but I truly think they should have given it 5 more years and sucked it up. No abuse, just some immaturity and two strong personalities. Well immaturity and strong personalities also make for some crap co-parenting in divorce too.

Divorce needs to exist and I'm not judging people wo divorce. But it really can be absolutely wretched for kids. That should factor in to the decision. There are situations where I really do think parents need to just hunker down and ride out the marriage until they've gotten the kids to a place where divorce won't fundamentally undermine their kids forever. I just feel really, really bad for these kids. [/quote]

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