Reply to Would you intervene if you adult son is an alcoholic and DIL is seeking your help?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, My brother died at age 50 from alcoholism.[/quote]

OP here. Our son is very successful in everything he does, I don’t think he’s that bad of an alcoholic to be honest, I think DIL is blaming everything on his drinking but in reality there must be other marriage issues. Of course I want our son to be healthy. [/quote]

OP. I was the equivalent of your daughter. What you’re saying is what his parents said when I reached out to them for years. Your son and my ex appear high-functioning to the outside world. He can fool you, his employer (for a time), and the world, but only for a time. Meanwhile he is messing up the family. Are you aware how alcohol affects the drinker, the wife, and the kids? Sure, there are probably other minor issues in the marriage, but most boil down to the drinking (finances, lack of intimacy, household duties, helping with kids). Sadly, he is likely an ‘absent’ but a physically present dad and husband who likely contributes little to his family but emotional unpredictability and poor role modelling when it comes to alcohol. His wife isn’t the problem. She wishes this weren’t the case, and she wouldn’t come to you unless she was concerned about your son and grandkids. She has likely done all that is within her power to help your son and to keep the family functioning.

Stop making excuses. Stop blaming her. Believe her. Approach your son, let him know that you love him and don’t listen to his excuses. Support him if he is ready for professional help. But don’t throw the blame on his wife/mother of your grandkids. Admit that you’re a part of what created this issue, and do something so the damage doesn’t continue into the next generation.

Please, wake up. Do what you can. And get your butt to Al Anon.  If he continues to go down this route, his wife will (hopefully, for the kids’ well-being) leave, he will eventually mess up at his job, and then he will become your problem again. Hopefully he will hit rock bottom, get help, and maintain a life of sobriety for himself and his kids. Good luck. [/quote]

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