Reply to Sister in law told my elderly mother this is the last Christmas she’ll see their family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This seems so overblown by everyone. SIL had no idea what she will really do for the next 10 years. [b]She could have just mentioned “we may travel next year.” [/b]Grandma can see the kids at other times. You can do Xmas on a different day.

This is sort of funny to me, because I just told my MIL on Xmas day that we will be traveling for Easter so I plan to host Easter at our house the weekend before. I wonder if some family member is posting about how horrible I am?? I doubt it, because none of us are wackadoodle.[/quote]

The op was explicit that SIL said this was the last Christmas because they would be vacationing next year and in the future moving for are.  I’m not sure why people are inventing other conversations when that’s what the op is reporting was said.  She was the one who was actually there.  [/quote]

Yes, I’m saying SIL made this overblown assuming an accurate narrator. SIL could have dialed back the dramatics, because she has no idea what might happen. But I also think OP is making this overblown as well. [b]Grandma has lots of ways to see her grandkids.[/b][/quote]

And they have 364 days out of the year to take vacations. :roll: Grandma does not actually have lots of ways to see all of her kids and grandkids together. She has literally one time of year that happens. Christmas or Christmas Eve. That’s it. And maybe Christmas doesn’t mean anything to you non-Christians but it means a great deal to my devout mother.[/quote]

And?  Your mother doesn’t get to run the entire family, just because she’s old and devout. She’s not the Queen if England. [/quote]

Also, your family isn’t close if you only get together once a year. Getting together on Christmas isn’t going to make you close. My kids see their cousins on both sides more than that, and my SIL’s family lives in California. There is nothing that is going to make you guys close if you only see each other on Christmas.[/quote]

This. Families that make a huge deal about how everyone HAS to be there for certain events are often overcompensating for the fact that they are simply not that close and not that much in each other's lives. It's a desire to project the image of closeness, and for some people it's about the social media pictures and bragging rights ("oh ALL of my children and ALL of my grandchildren come to my home for Christmas Eve"). It's compulsory so they can prove to themselves and others that their family is so close.

But in an actually close, functional family, people don't freak out about someone spending Christmas elsewhere sometimes or about sharing kids with ILs, because there is love an acceptance generally. People are understanding that people might have other obligations and may be balancing different families, kids' needs, work, etc. But also they have faith that if someone spends a holiday somewhere else, it doesn't mean the love or connection is any less. It just means they spent Christmas somewhere else. The family makes time for one another in other ways and at other times.[/quote]

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