Reply to DW doesn’t understand how a sexless marriage effects me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Having someone not want to have sex with you is one thing but I get the feeling that OP is missing all the other stuff just as much.  Having someone who wants to kiss you with more than a peck, missing someone who wants to feel your skin at night, missing someone that used to rest their head on your chest when you watched TV, where did that chick go that used to dance around me when I washed dishes? 
Buddy I was in your position and in a fairly short amount of time I have turn things around.  
Oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin are severely lacking in your relationship and your wife is likely overloaded with cortisol from the neediness that you are blasting at her all day long. Your job is to find out which one of the above chemicals your wife thrives on, if she’s serotonin then you take her on adventures, if she’s oxytocin you become nothing but a world of love and support without ever asking for anything in return, if she’s dopamine you’re going to want to take her ask throwing or perhaps to the gym with you.  Agreed about which activities far off hormones and then apply it to her.

While you are figuring out the chemical formula your job is to drain the cortisol out of your world, once the stress is gone and she begins to associate you with joy, achievement, closeness and all the other good feelings her attitude towards you will begin to change and libido will follow shortly behind. You must never ask for it, never pester her again, don’t ever get mopey around her, I cannot stress this enough, comedians have a rule about going out on a laugh, you must leave your wife with a higher mood than you find her, make her laugh in the morning, turn on your heel and walk out the door! Raise your vibration, be upbeat, confident, happy and above all positive.

She’s not the woman you fell in love with and you definitely aren’t the man she fell in love with so it’s time for you to go back and be the guy who flooded her with all those amazing chemicals. It’s going to take about a month of consistency to start seeing change but it will come if you are doing this from a truly noble place.  I sense some contempt in your writing and that will poison everything so really sit and think if you want her, if the answer is yes then you have your direction, if you’re even a little bit on the fence then doing this work will make you angry and frustrated and it will blow up on your face.

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Op this is great advice. Do all that. and also

1. Apologize and ask if there was something you did maybe she will just tell you
2. Cleaning yourself up and looking well groomed is attractive 
3. Sabotage some easy to fix things around the house that she will have to ask for your help fixing. Something you can do like difficult to reach light bulb. Or put her fav things out of reach. Insinuate that she can repay you for your help (key word insinuate, don’t ask outright) 
4. Wait til she goes to sleep then turn the thermostat down low at bedtime. Oh she needs you to stay warm? You have needs too.
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