Reply to Irrationally angry at my teen daughter and having trouble forgiving

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Silent treatment is abuse. Imagine a child coming home to a house where her MOTHER is not talking to her and hence feeling unsafe in her own house that is supposed to be her safest place on earth.
The silent treatment is a particularly insidious form of abuse because it might force the victim to reconcile with the perpetrator in an effort to end the behavior, even if the victim doesn’t know why they’re apologizing. “It’s especially controlling because it deprives both sides from weighing in,” Williams said. “One person does it to the other person, and that person can’t do anything about it.”[/quote]

This. 
The OP is passive aggressive, emotionally abusive and manipulative.
She can dress it up with whatever excuses that help her sleep at night and allow her to look at herself in the mirror, but the fact of the matter is that she's been treating her daughter like this for MONTHS... she makes lunch for all of the rest of her kids but not her daughter?  She does all of the other kids laundry but not her daughters?  That's really despicable behavior.

Rather than using her words like an actual adult (since the op seems to favor the word "adult") she'd rather passive-aggressively give her poor daughter the cold shoulder, while simultaneously doting on her other kids.   
That isn't acting like an adult at all, it's acting like a mean high school girl. 
No wonder her daughter doesn't like her, would you??

Does the OP think that treating her daughter like THIS will make her want to live with her, like ever??  Fat chance.

The OP should absolutely be ashamed of herself. 
[/quote]
Absolutely spot on. I received silent treatment as a kid on occasion, and I made sure that my kids will never, ever be exposed and hopefully not do it to others. They are young adults now, and no matter the argument we had, I always said, we are a family, we talk to each other, we disagree with each other, but we never stop talking to each other.
I mean clearly when they were teens, they had their times when they would not want to talk to me for a short period, never days, more an hour or two, and I was not in any way forceful and making them talk or lecture them, but as a parent I never, ever stopped talking and shunned my child, nor will I do it ever now that they are young adults.
I apologized to my kids when I was wrong, I apologized if I did not follow up, I admitted I make mistakes.

I can't believe some pps are calling her DH a narcissist, when she is the one guilting and gaslighting dh and her dd. She can't believe that he brought it up again. She can't believe that her DD took the other side and voiced her opinion? Who does that? Abusive narcs. She dislikes her ILS, she is shunning her DD, she is threatening her Dh with divorce and telling him they will divorce once kids are adults. She should divorce him now and he should take the kids from this abusive mother where she has her golden kid, her scapegoat and her flying monkeys. Though, her post here might be the first step to realizing she has NPD traits.

All parents are flawed, all humans are flawed, but instead of making amends for her behavior OP is blaming her teen DD for something DD, in the mind of op, did to her. Not only is she not recognizing that her DD is a victim of her abuse, but she has also made DD an abuser of her. Textbook narc gaslighting. In her mind, op truly thinks she is the victim of her DD! and of her DH.

Yes, I have a strong opinion about this, and one part of me hopes OP is a troll, because otherwise my heart breaks for her dd.[/quote]

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