Reply to Would you confront your husband/wife's Emotional Affair lover?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The problem with dealing with the ow is that there are 10000 of them and one of your dh. So start at home.

This whole "studies show OW are less attractive" also cracks me up. I've been an OW and my DH has had one. Let's just say I think his ow was hideous and I'm cuter than gd other party in my situation. It's not like there has been empirical research. You're asking husbands who have been. Caught cheating if the chick was hotter. Yeah I'm suuuuuure the answer is totally honest. Come. On. [/quote]

Who said there were studies? Seriously. I didn't read that. Did I miss something?[/quote]

Of course there are studies. There is a psychological aspect to affairs, just like alcoholism, any kind of addiction, any kind of compulsive behavior. And yeah, "studies" show that a lot of men say their affair partner was less attractive than their wife. One psychotherapist who has worked with men who have had affairs for decades (usually this research is done in the context of counseling sessions, it's not like we are talking about randomized controlled trials, these are observational studies, but they still show trends) says that the ideal affair partner for a man is more of a mess than he is. He gets something out of comforting her, protecting her, etc. Distracts him from his own stuff, fills part of whatever he is looking for.

In my case, definitely true. She was older too, a bit heavier. Going through a messy time in her life, crying at work a lot, and just in general a mess. I had known her for a few years as she'd worked with DH for a while, and I just never suspected a thing because of all that. She was not someone I'd call attractive, though she was not unattractive or ugly. DH said he was just feeling so low, worthless, and like I didn't need him at all. He felt needed by her, he felt like he was this strong guy, much like I felt about him when we first got together. But by then we had years of resentments on both our sides built up.

Point is, affairs are usually about opportunity, and not "I found my soul mate!"[/quote]

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