Reply to I don’t understand how people claim the affair partner is blameless?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My question is, when it’s a serial adulterer, is the betrayed spouse equally mad at each successive AP or does it finally become the cheating spouses fault then? [/quote]

My question is why anyone thinks a betrayed spouse is not seething with rage and absolutely pissed at their spouse when they find out. The narrative some OW are trying to keep going “the woes me- why am I getting all the blame” blah blah crap almost seems like a severe need to stay relevant in the drama they crave and in AP’s life. I can tell you in the vast majority of cases nobody is thinking of you much after or even gives two sh@ts about you. You just aren’t relevant. [/quote]

Because they live with the spouse and do their laundry and pay their bills and sleep with them. That’s not “seething with rage”. That’s “blaming the party who it doesn’t inconvenience me to blame”.

And that’s the real reason the OW gets blamed. It doesn’t require introspection from the spouse. It doesn’t require real contrition or change from the adulterer. They get to pretend the affair (affairs) were something that happened to them, rather than something that was done by them. [/quote]

First, wtf are you talking about? Of course they aren’t spending a lifetime seething with rage.  That is at discovery/first months/year stuff.  And, no, most aren’t doing anything for them when they found out and many have their own jobs and aren’t waiting hand and foot.  The majority of times the guy is begging to let them stay, not divorce them and doing everything possible to make amends.

It’s done narrative OW like to spin.  They just don’t matter. Period. People move on. They don’t look back.  She’s not worth a breath or thought. [/quote]

I don’t know any OW. But there’s a ton of women on here absolutely fixated on the OW. They start threads about it constantly.

As for the “guy begging to let them stay” the go on to cheat again so why do we actually take that seriously? [/quote]

Many male and female cheaters do not cheat again.  People can and do change.  [/quote]

The statistics suggest otherwise

https://www.du.edu/news/once-cheater-always-cheater-du-study-examines-serial-infidelity

Sounds like changing is the outlier behavior.[/quote]

Actually, no, this study says that 45% cheated again. That means 55% didn't. You can't use the term "outlier" with those numbers. [url]https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sliding-vs-deciding/201710/is-partner-who-has-cheated-likely-cheat-again[/url]

The original article should have just used the actual numbers. They're 3x more likely to cheat again could mean anything. Like it could be an increase from 2% to 6%. Give us the actual numbers, folks. [/quote]

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