Reply to Anyone else lose their groove during Covid with young kids and still not have it back?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I'm pissed this thread became a pile-on of a bunch of people telling anyone talking about their struggles that actually they don't have struggles and should stop talking about it. I think a lot of you have MAJOR issues that this is how you choose to spend your time.

Anyway, I'm going to go through and report a bunch of these comments as off-tope and ask Jeff to clean up the thread because I actually do think it could be a source of support and commiseration for people who need it. If that's not you, you can go away. Thanks![/quote]

Hi OP- [b]I think what might be contributing the most to your malaise is grief over not having a second kid.  It wasn't really a choice, it was taken from you.

I, too, missed our window during 2021-2022.[/b] I know we are out there.  There needs to be a support group for us.  I've really thought about starting one.

Parenting your one while mourning, MOURNING your second/the possibility/the hope, is HARD.  It's exhausting.  The Crippling grief.  The self-flagellation and feelings of failure-"why is it so hard, I only have one."  The guilt over no sibling.  The anger- lots of anger.

And because it's so intertwined with COVID it's hard to tease apart.  For a long time I thought my malaise was mostly due to COVID, but since winter of 2022, it's been grief.  COVID was the crappy foundation from which everything else flows.

It's taken me nearly two years and a lot of therapy to not cry everyday.  And it's still hard.

It sounds like you are doing better than I was, but I hope this is somewhat helpful and you consider finding a therapist/grief counselor.  Hugs.

You are not alone but I know it can feel that way.

[/quote]

OP & PP - can I ask why you didn't / couldn't have a baby due to Covid, or during that initial pandemic year? Was is stress, anxiety about getting sick, funk / too much on your plate, REs that closed for a period, were you working in-person as HCWs etc.?
[/quote]

Some of it's practical. Like I couldn't even schedule an appointment with my OB to have my IUD removed for almost 6 months because of initial shut downs and then my doctor had a backlog. But then during those 6 months, our childcare collapsed. Our daycare shut down temporarily and then altogether. We limped by with some part time care from one of the teachers at our old daycare (would have loved to just hire her full-time but couldn't afford it).

We thought DD would start PK at the public school in the fall but then the school didn't open. By the time this was announced, there were no spots available at private preschools. They kept making it sound like schools would open soon but then they didn't. We finally got a spot in a PT preschool in January, but this meant we had care from 9am to 1pm. I tried to find a sitter for at least some afternoons but couldn't; I wound up scaling back my hours to make it work.

We were able to get her into full time camp in the summer and she started PK fall of 2021. Huge relief, but not without its bumps. She hated the part time PK and camp. I think it was all that time with us at home combined with a TON of rules related to social distancing, masking, and outdoor time due to Covid.

Things got better once she was in full-time PK. Our feeling was, if we're going to have a baby, we should do it right now. We were so tired. I still didn't know what normal looked like for our family. I actually kept a reduced schedule at work because we couldn't get an aftercare spot, and also, I was just burned out. I started to think about what a pregnancy meant for my already exhausted 40+ body. We held off.

And then I had another birthday, and decided the window was closed for me. I do still mourn it (typing this made me cry) but I know it's the right choice at this point. But yes, what if I'd gotten my IUD out in February? What if schools had opened in fall of 2020? What if we could afford a FT nanny or a SAHP? What if we'd moved somewhere with more available childcare? And so on. I still have all my DD's baby things packed in boxes in my closet and I can't hear the idea of getting rid of them yet.

I feel like I just lost a year and a half, and when it was over, I felt like I'd aged 5 years. What seemed possible before so didnt seem possible anymore.[/quote]

I understand how you feel, but it sounds like you might be 43 now, right? You could still go for it. Yes there are risks, but you know how miserable you are with not going for it. And most people still have healthy babies at this age.[/quote]

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