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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]After reading the many comments, some truly remarkably nasty I have concluded that *almost* everyone who has strong feelings about the subject has some personal experience they are pulling from that makes them confident this is inherently the way it is.

Several adults of three sibling families had rough experiences growing up and attribute that directly to the number of children their parents had. [b]Therefore, they had less children and believe strongly others should have two as well.[/b]

Some moms of three believe that they are somehow the only people capable of giving parenting advice on a parenting messaging board.

A few seem to be insecure about their own decision or situation and feel the need to justify it to all ends.

And some of you seem just out for a fight.

Either way, not a lot of middle children must be posting because one of them would have formed a peace circle already. [/quote]

I'm one of the bolded and by no means do I think everyone should only have 2.  I think people need to love and treat all their children as individuals, no matter the number.  Not all children need the same things from their parents and many parents don't recognize this!  I think not acknowledging this fact is what leads to problems, including middle child syndrome. 
 Then again, I'm also the one who took parenting classes.  I only stopped at 2 because I didn't trust myself to not fall into the trap of my upbringing and I stated that.[/quote]

I'm also one of the people who talked about middle child syndrome and I don't think everyone should stick with 2 either. One thing I've said a few times on this thread is that it's valuable to be aware of common dysfunctional dynamic in 3-kid families because there are some things you can do to avoid them if you get it. The big one I've found, as a parent, is to make sure all your kids have a role and a sense of belonging in the family. Children need to feel valued, no matter their birth order. Not because they are useful but just because they exist. I think something as simple as letting each of your kids know that you enjoy spending time with them and you are glad they are here, can go a long way to counteracting some of the issue that can arise in a family of any size.

Some on this thread have taken comments like that to mean that I, and others, don't think people should have 3 kids. But that's not what we're saying. We're saying (to OP, who asked) if you have 3 kids, here are some pitfalls and here are some idea for how to address them. I don't wish my parents had had fewer kids. I wish they'd been more thoughtful about how they treated us, and put more effort into making us feel wanted. I think they would have made this mistake no matter how many kids they had, because they didn't understand that kids really need to feel that love and belonging.[/quote]

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