Reply to MCPS teachers - what would you tell parents in your class(es) if you could?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I care about your kid. I wouldn't be here if I didn't. But we need to work as a team.

They need to show up. They need to put in the effort. I understand it's hard. I understand they aren't interested in the work. I understand that they may need to have a job, care for a sick relative, distracted by peer pressure etc etc etc etc etc. I am here to help them.

Teach them to accept help, teach them to ask for help. Teach them that in order to be successful they need to start with basic needs like food and sleep. Teach them that it's important to show up and be present. Teach them to put their phone away.

I know how to teach. I know how to form relationships. But if they don't put in the effort we're not going to make it.

[/quote]

You sound like a good teacher but please understand that sometimes there are reasons why kids don't ask for help.  Mine will not ask for help.  They had a few nasty teachers who would not help when asked or if they asked they got yelled at so even though we try to teach them every teacher is different and some are very good and want to help, they are too scared to ask for help.  Maybe if you see a child struggling you can offer and just help vs. giving them the option.  Once mine sees you are serious, they might be more willing to ask.[/quote]

Thank you - you make a good point and it's an important reminder. I struggle though with the kids who won't even accept help. I try to give it - directly, indirectly, individually, as a group, during class, at any time that's convenient even if that means my lunchtime. And some just won't. I've reached many that way, but there are some that shut down and are so hard to reach.

We need more mental health care. And the school can't provide that except for some extreme cases. And that's where I wish some families would step up. I've had kids tell me horrific stories or just open up about anxiety and then tell me their parents don't believe in therapy. It breaks my heart, because I do know there are a million reasons why the might be shutting down. [/quote]

I’m a DP, but my 11th grader has been shut down for most of his educational career. He is dyslexic and has been shamed, told he is lazy, and held to lower standards because of his disability. He has also had some passionate, dedicated, wonderful teachers. Most of his teachers have been pretty darn good, actually. I admire them and am grateful. And yet school is such a shit show for him that he just…won’t. Won’t use his accommodations, won’t go to office hours, won’t retake tests. One lovely and caring teacher enthusiastically told her class that everyone could get a great grade in her class because you could redo anything as many times as you like - her goal was to have kids learn deeply. So all papers and tests were super hard and graded ruthlessly, so only the most diligent and school-smart kids got good grades on the first try. But my kid refused the retakes, because he said studying and taking a test once torture enough. Most average smart kids also did well, because they could use tests as practice.

There is nothing on gods green earth I can do to get my kid to accept help or not check out. He is unbribable and punishment or shame shuts him down even further. I know he frustrates his teachers to no end. He knows they don’t understand him, and believes they don’t like him (I know that isn’t so). I think he’ll find his way, but it’s going to take time. Meanwhile, just show him you think he is a worthwhile and likable human, even if he doesn’t do his homework. That’s enough.[/quote]

Thank you for this perspective. I do see this over and over again. With these kids I work on relationship building more than anything. Some of my favorite students as human beings struggle the most academically. But I make a point to learn about them, their families, their other talents...and if I can help them get their grade up even just a few points, I know it goes a long way. [/quote]

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