Reply to Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She decided she didn't want kids and arranged her life accordingly. She wanted the DINK lifestyle. She's not going to change her mind and accept your kids or your future grandkids as a regular part of the household. She will treat their visits like the times DINKS are invited to parties where kids are also invited: decline the invite, or grin and bear it and leave as early as possible. Happy to be distant aunt and uncle maybe.

But you are a Dad, and want to be a Dad, and distant aunt and Dad doesn't really work. She probably figures you were nearly "done" with kids so this could work out, not realizing one is never "done" with their kids.

I don't put high hopes on future compatibility here.[/quote]

This is a very astute answer. And FWIW, there’s nothing wrong with wanting a DINK lifestyle. But it isn’t compatible long term with someone who clearly embraces the family lifestyle with a full house. I’m the latter (I have 3 kids and know I will have a lot of emotions once the house grows quieter). My children will never be on the same level as guests who require an invite.

And I’ll add that I myself went through some tough times in college (health issues requiring me to come home for a couple surgeries and a bad breakup from a guy who was abusive). It was very much a transitional time in my life, I didn’t just pop out as a full fledged adult the second I turned 18 and went off to college. Having a home base was so important. Which is why I find the GF’s request unreasonable for OP to accommodate even if her reasons for asking are understandable from her perspective.

I’ve told my DH that we absolutely will not downsize until all our kids are fully through college. OP really needs to keep the door open to his kids for now and hopefully find someone else more compatible in the future.[/quote]

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