Reply to 21 year old son, overnights with girlfriend

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, you’re being unreasonable.[/quote]

Really? Why?
I'm a little surprised.  [/quote]
Because he’s 21.
What are you worried about? Are they having sex? Why, yes; yes they are.
Can they have sex at any time during the day if they don’t spend the night? Yes they can.
Is he asking to do this in your house, where your rules apply? No he isn’t.
Stop trying to control him, you will just make him not want to visit, ever.[/quote]

I know they are having sex. They can do that and he can go home.[/quote]

You can’t force your son to live at your house. He’s 21.[/quote] 
I don't want to.  He can follow my rules or leave.[/quote]

My parents has this attitude. I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband). We didn't speak for 7 years. My brother and sister also went long periods of no contact with them.

We have a relationship now, but I can't see the pain in their eyes whenever stories of my 20s comes up and they remember that they missed all of it, all while trying to control me and keep me from the man who would become their son-in-law (who they now love).

My Dad eventually apologized, saying they had a really hard time letting go, and that as painful as it was, that I was right to draw a boundary and live my life on my own terms.

If you're not a troll, save yourself the heartache and lost years. Your son is an adult. Your time making his decisions is over. You can express your opinions, but attempts to control him will drive him away.

And while this girlfriend may or may not be the one, at some point, he will start dating his future spouse/life partner. Consider the relationship you want to have with that person, and understand that overstepping in their relationship early on could set the tone for a really uncomfortable relationship with the woman who will control your access to your grandchildren.

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