Reply to How to explain to Ils that parents don’t want to share Christmas

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Maybe we can all agree on some terminology here.

invite: to extend an offer to attend
disinvite: to withdraw a previously given offer to attend
not invite: to withhold an offer to attend

And then there is a fourth thing that I'm not sure there is a word for, that people are proposing.  I'll call it  "anti-invite"

anti-invite:  to affirmatively go out of your way to tell someone they are not welcome in advance

Seems like the right thing to do here is simply not invite.  No need to talk to the ILs about it at all. (You're also a solid 8 months early in even thinking about this.)

OP, you were clear that the ILs didn't show up unannounced on a door step a few years ago.  They let you know ahead of time that they planned on going.  IF that happens this time, that is when you say something.  [/quote]

I think Seinfeld already did this back in the day. OP's parents basically did a "nonvite." They didn't invite the IL's to an occasion that the IL's wanted to attend. they should continue to nonvite and OP and her husband should push back on the "we are just going to be in your parent's STATE and thought we'd drop by." Practice the phrase, "Sorry, that's not going to work for us. Let's figure out something before or after Christmas."[/quote]

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