Reply to Explain to me the financial risk of SAH if partner is a high earner

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I didn't read the entire thread...did anybody say anything about the potential power you sacrifice when you are financially dependent on your husband? And the tendency of some high earning men to begin to devalue their non earning wives? They may come to resent the pressure they perceive in being the sole provider, even if they chose it. You can become an easy target in the hard times . Even if consciously supporting it, they may lose respect for you. Not all, but some. You also may lose some respect for yourself. You don't have to match his exorbitant income. But working often offers a sense of its own empowerment that may make you accept less bs from him, if he is prone to that, you know what I mean? It gives you a different marriage dynamic, often more of a partnership. I think it gives you more power.. But you may feel you get that without working. [/quote]

This sounds like you trying to justify your decision.  If your spouse resents you, you need to get rid of that spouse.  People will find a reason to resent you and blame you if that is their personality.[/quote]

I personally think it’s pathetic that so many women on here are working out of fear and have bought the story that if not, their husband will resent them.  Meanwhile they dealt with pregnancy and childbirth but aren’t resentful their husband didn’t share that burden.  Then so many people on here are miserable and they can’t figure out why.  I can’t imagine having an opinion of my marriage like PP and thinking my JOB really plays that big of a role in my marriage.  And yes I work. [/quote]

I am a PP and work because I want to AND because I understand intrinsically how a power imbalance can fester in a working man/SAHW dynamic.

I was married to a sole earner and moved to Europe to support his career (he had an opportunity there).  We had a toddler, then had a baby there.  When I was very early into my second pregnancy I learned that he was cheating.  I have never felt more trapped, more powerless.  I had no work visa, no real means of supporting myself or getting a career job.  It was absolutely devastating.

I had to rebuild my life from the ground up.  I came back to the US and was on food stamps/cash assistance.  I experienced firsthand the humiliation and intractable stress of poverty - with small kids, no less.  My former spouse fully exploited his financial advantage from the day I left, including throughout the divorce process.  I am not exaggerating when I say it almost killed me.

I was able to gain new skills and now am in a comfortable career.  I am also remarried to a man who makes significantly more money than I do.  I would never put myself in a position to be so vulnerable and dependent again.  Unless a woman is independently wealthy or has parents who are (and are unequivocally willing to support her if things go south in a marriage) I would NEVER advise anyone to not work.  There are just far too many variables in life and generally, he with the most money wins. [/quote]

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