Reply to Anyone else here struggle with your feelings about ppl who don’t work?

Forum Index » Jobs and Careers

Reply to "Anyone else here struggle with your feelings about ppl who don’t work?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I went down a rabbit hole of femininity podcasts and Laura Doyle books. I have had a very high profile career but always struggled with the fact that I was doing a grinding full time job on top of all the SAHM things. My husband does not step up and never will, and it’s very difficult to outsource everything. He earns enough to support us and doesn’t need me to work, and, no, I’m not going to upend our family by divorcing him. I know a lot of women in my situation, though few want to admit that their husbands are domestically useless.

Anyway, Laura Doyle makes the interesting point that “women are not smaller less hairy men”. I really WANT to be there for my kids and do “dumb stuff” like plan their birthdays. My husband WANTS to support our family financially. I’m sorry, I know it’s unacceptable to say (except when anonymous), but there are just some big differences between men and women. [b]I’ve cut back on work because I’m tired of fighting my/his innate instincts regarding what our roles are. Life is easier, the whole household works better. Our culture is denying women the ability to just follow our instincts without shame/guilt.[/b] [/quote]

I read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Maternal-Desire-Children-Love-Inner/dp/0316059951  when my first was a baby and it really resonated with me.  "De Marneffe brings her experiences and perspectives as a psychologist, feminist, and mother to this absorbing look at the enormous personal pleasure that women derive from mothering. Citing the political, cultural, and social factors that have devalued motherhood, de Marneffe notes the reluctance to explore maternal desire--as common wisdom would have it, motherhood and desire don't belong in the same phrase."

I feel like other arguments about for being home with children are always phrased as what's best for the child. But I stayed home because it was best for me. I LOVED being home in the early years and was happy to go back to work FT when my youngest started school. My friends' kids who were in full time care did just as well IMO as those with a SAHP and my kids don't remember those early years. But I remember them and loved that time.  But I can certainly understand if someone didn't want to be at home or sympathize with a mom who wanted to but it wasn't possible financially.[/quote]

Exactly. Women experience a profound desire to take care of their home and children. Our society tells us this is bad hence all the drama and handwringing. Does EVERY woman experience this? No. But many do and it’s certainly as valid as paper pushing in an office (people on here are acting as though their jobs are saving the universe - not!)[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics