Reply to He's cheating. Now what?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I would discuss with him an open marriage and  if you still sleep with him use condoms. I don’t feel it’s feasible to divorce just because of sex, if he’s a great father, and your life is otherwise comfortable. I would be more concerned if he had a serious affair that’s a marriage killer. He seems to have sex dependency

What I find appalling with cheaters is then opening marriage for themselves and often keeping “clean” spouses on call for sex when they want to, and fully unaware.

You should be able to fulfill your sexual desires and feel made adoration as well, not to always think about him and his transgressions.

You have to learn to treat sex as basic bodily function like meals. Your husband has meals out at times, same applies to sex. [/quote]

This.

I would confront him only that I would require condoms in the future, assuming I wanted to stay in the marriage.[/quote]

How are you supposed to kiss a husband you know is likely having oral sex with other people?  How do you perform that function for him knowing where his parts have been?  Do you wear a condom for that too?[/quote]

:shock:  totally aside from the cheating issue, did your significant other come to you as a virgin?

People have a lot of hang ups about sex being dirty.[/quote]

Yes, we met very young and each lost our virginity to the other.

The funny thing is, we've had what I thought was a pretty dirty (in a good way) sex life for the last 20+ years. We've been pretty adventurous. Tried all kinds of new things. Not super kinky I guess but robust and regular. Only short breaks around the births of our children. I've never said no to anything he wanted to do or try, I've worn all kinds of outfits and played with toys and watched porn and all kinds of stuff. Ask and ye shall receive. I enjoy sex.

Everything I saw from his laptop is him meeting up with a couple for threesomes with a man and a woman. In the exchanges he's very clear he's straight and not looking for sex with the man, but rather for another man to enjoy a beautiful woman with. He's told over the years this is a fantasy of his, but never asked me to act it out with him in real life. It never crossed my mind he would go from telling me this fantasy to acting it out with 2 strangers. [/quote]

This is different.  It would be easier for me to potentially forgive in some ways because he's looking for an experience and not another person per se; however, now that you see him as a liar and how easily he does it to you, it will be hard to see him any other way. [/quote]

OP, without making any excuses for him, he is probably struggling with immense guilt. I doubt the love for you and the kids is fake. Life is complicated sometimes. It sounds like he needs professional help. The person you describe does not sound like a POS. He sounds like a deeply flawed human, possibly with a serious addiction.

I think you're absolutely doing the right thing re: protection your assets and gathering information.[/quote]

I dunno, that level of pretending and duplicity, the “thank you for making it possible for me to have this great job” stuff makes me sick to my stomach, and I’m not OP! I don’t know which is worse, this or a cheater being grumpy. [/quote]

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