Reply to In-laws are mad that we are inviting others to Christmas dinner. How to resolve this?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
[quote=Anonymous]
[quote=Anonymous]

Maybe they have social anxiety, or are afraid of strangers, or are worried about germs from kids. Why brush all that off like its nothing? [/quote]

These days you can't be too sure. People are still limiting their gatherings to small groups, not traveling, avoiding indoor parties, etc.[/quote]

If the inlaws had said it was social anxiety or fear of germs, then I assume that would've been in the OP.  But maybe OP can clarify.  OP, did the inlaws specify whether they were uncomfortable with the neighbors because of a social anxiety disorder or covid fears or lizard people?[/quote]

In the OP: "I told them that I invited our neighbor and they pitched a fit. They totally flipped out about inviting him and said that this isn't a soup kitchen."

OP was pretty clear about why the parents didn't want the neighbors there. It wasn't for germs. It was because they have soup kitchen cooties.[/quote]

Why would OPs in-laws make a connection between soup kitchens and needy neighbors when OP insists she never mentioned helping them? Kind of weird.[/quote]

I think it makes sense.  If OP said "we invited the neighbors because they didn't have anywhere else to go on Christmas," I can see the inlaws saying "this isn't a soup kitchen" in response.  I mean, I actually can't because who says that, but I guess it tracks. It doesn't mean OP had to have told the inlaws that they were helping the neighbors otherwise.[/quote]

Well later OP says the in-laws said if they wanted to eat with strangers they would go to a restaurant. Supposedly, they said both things or maybe the soup kitchen was just an embellishment. I would think it odd that the in-laws would presume someone who doesn't have family nearby is poor enough to need a soup kitchen.[/quote]

I think the inlaws were referencing the fact that soup kitchens take people with no where else to go, not the fact that soup kitchens serve primarily low-income people.[/quote]

The neighbor is not homeless, he has a home with kids to go to. Money is a little tight, that's all we know about him. We don't even know that he has no other family or options, he simply missed a big Christmas. Lots of people say that because they are grown, grandparents may be dead, cousins scattered, etc. But they don't end up at soup kitchens[/quote]

Sounded to me like the neighbor is divorced, perhaps paying alimony and the budget is tight.  And perhaps this is his turn to have the kids for Christmas.  He misses big holiday celebrations like when he was married (like his wife used to take care of such things).  He may have basic cooking skills, but doesn't have the skills to put together a big holiday meal.  OP heard about it and invited him and his kids over for Christmas dinner.  And then her in-laws decided to be terrible people and act like toddlers.

OP's husband needs to tell his parents that the guests are coming for dinner.  If they can't behave themselves, then they should consider coming to visit some other time.  If they can be polite to the guests, then they are welcome to enjoy the holidays together.

I mean, how hard can it be when there are 13 people, to just socialize with your family and not with the neighbor and his children.  You can say "Hi!  Merry Christmas!" when they arrive and then just socialize with your family.[/quote]

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