Reply to Blindsided by in-laws inviting random cousin to Thanksgiving gathering?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Blindsided by in-laws inviting random cousin to Thanksgiving gathering?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ve reread and I think it’s understandable that OP would ask in-laws for a heads up so they could avoid the other family for the other family’s benefit. Better to not attend if it makes the non-sexual predator uncomfortable, understandably. I think that’s the least OP can do, to steer DH away from attending these events. Not sure if this is OP’s mindset given the rest of the info that seems to excuse DH, but if it is, then it’s a good idea. [/quote]

But do you think that, after already appearing at a family TG and the relative being there, OP should have confronted the hosts about it without first talking to her DH to get his view?[/quote]

Again you use the word "confronted," and again that's not what OP said she did. Again, OP wrote, "I brought this up to my in-laws and told them specifically that if if this cousin was ever invited to another family function to tell us so we could make other plans...."

We don't know why OP didn't ask her husband. Maybe OP doesn't trust her husband's social IQ on this and wants to spare everybody involved. Who knows.[/quote]

I regret using the word confronted.

Let’s say OP raised the issue in the best possible way one could raise the issue, given:

1. DH, the cousin, and OP’s kids are already at the same location.
2. It is during of a family TG celebration and others are present.
3. OP did not choose to either discreetly leave the situation OR discuss with her DH how to proceed.

There was absolutely nothing to be gained from engaging at that time, particularly without talking to her DH.

OP was wrong.[/quote]

So it's come to this, back to the original question OP asked: was she right or wrong to talk to her inlaws about future events during Thanksgiving itself. (After all the shouting, it seems like we all agree OP's husband probably deserved the likely incarceration and that OP has her head in the sand. OP is running a lot of interference for her husband, presumably to protect her kids.)

Frankly, if I were OP, I wouldn't trust this husband to navigate social or family gatherings. I'd take this on myself, without consulting him.

Also, there was no way to "discreetly leave." Are you thinking OP could have bundled up her husband and kids and just left, without raising eyebrows?

I disagree she was wrong to do this now. Some conversations are best had in person.

But, I can see other opinions on all this.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics